I have been dragging my feet on a big project for some time now.
I cleared most of the extraneous things from my calendar. I’m ‘just saying no’ to things I otherwise would have said yes to — writing projects, school parent duties, cooking!
I took the trip I said I needed to make to get started. And found some amazing things I never thought I would discover about my little PunditGirl.
One of my best friends keeps saying, only half in jest, “Is it done yet?”
But for some reason, I’m stuck. Part of it is this crazy thing called blogging, part of it is paying work and part of it is fear.
What if no one wants to read it? What if I can’t write it? What if PunditGirl doesn’t want to know it?
The “it” is a book. About me. And PunditGirl. (And Mr. PunditMom, of course). And our journey to each other.
Chinese legend says that there is an invisible and unbreakable red thread that joins all people who are meant to be together. Sometimes it’s tangled or extremely long. But if people are meant to be together, the red thread will lead them to each other.
But what happened between the time that PunditGirl was born and the “red thread” attached itself to our hearts and the time that it brought us together is a story I feel compelled to know.
A missing year of her life is too much of a mystery. A few pieces of the puzzle can be easily discovered, but most will take a lot of digging. And even with that, there will still be significant parts we will never know.
A good idea? Hard to say.
But there’s information out there I need to know. I’m just not sure why I’m scared to find it.
November 2nd, 2007 at 1:31 pm
Would this mean probably another trip back to China? It is definitely a big step and time-consuming. Perhaps you and the Pundit Family can make an adventure out of it this summer.
I know putting something down on paper is always the hardest thing. Once I get start it is okay. But I know you have more research to do and that is a big committment. I’m rooting for you whatever you decide to do.
November 2nd, 2007 at 4:12 pm
Are you afraid of the other red threads you might find? Or that might find you?
I want to read it. You could always do the legwork and ditch the book if you think Pundit Girl might be hurt in some way by the events of that missing year.
November 3rd, 2007 at 8:13 pm
A book?! That’s wonderful. I would love to read it.
Don’t worry. The things we are afraid to learn are sometimes the things that benefit us most, even if it may not seem so at the time.
Meeting my dad at 18 was at all what I had envisioned as a child. It was scary, and some parts were not pleasant, but the experience helped me grow in a way nothing else could have.
For Pundit Girl, you have a gentle and steady hand to guide her through whatever you find. That’s something that can be invaluable to her.
Good luck!
November 3rd, 2007 at 8:14 pm
correction – should read “not at all”
November 4th, 2007 at 10:55 pm
That is hard. It’s hard because you’re so involved in this. You aren’t writing about someone else. It’s about you and your family. I totally get why it’s easy to get stuck. But babe, I can’t wait to read it. I really, really can’t. Because you’re an amazing writer and I know how much you love your little girl. I can’t imagine anything you write about her could be anything less than your very best.
Oh crap, did that sound like a lot of pressure? Gah! That’s not what I’m trying to do. I’m just rooting for you.
November 5th, 2007 at 11:20 pm
I’m rooting for you too!
Did you see the article in a recent NYT Sunday magazine about this topic? http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/28/magazine/28biological-t.html?_r=1&oref=slogin
November 6th, 2007 at 9:23 am
“What if no one wants to read it? What if I can’t write it? What if PunditGirl doesn’t want to know it?”
*I* want to read it. You *can* write it. As for the third hesitation, perhaps you will find a way to involve PunditGirl in the writing process, so it in part becomes something you do together. Regardless, my advice: find a good editor or writing partner (though maybe you already have that) and hold yourself accountable to small deadlines. Bird by bird, as Anne Lamott says. One of the best pieces of writing advice I’ve ever received.
November 7th, 2007 at 10:40 am
PM,
I think you have a great story and I hope you keep pursuing it. One of the things that might get you unstuck is this book I’m finishing right now. When I get done, I’ll be happy to send it to you.
It’s helping me frame and rework some things I’ve been doing in my own memoir.
As for the fear and so forth, I have come to the conclusion that some things are just worth taking that leap of faith.
P