Lisa Pagan, a former active duty member of the Army and mother of two toddlers, was called up from the “ready reserves” to report for duty this week for possible deployment to Iraq. She told the Army that she had no one to care for her small children if she was sent overseas because of her husband’s travel work schedule. The Army refused her requests for postponements so she reported for duty this week with her three-year-old and four-year-old.
The Army now says that Pagan will be discharged, but some are wondering — was this the act of a mother who had no choice or was it a stunt to get what others have been unable to get?
But my question is this — what was Lisa Pagan supposed to do? Not show up and get thrown in the brig? Or leave knowing that she didn’t have anyone to take care of her kids?
Why do her critics assume that she has options she’s not pursuing? I don’t know what family support she does or doesn’t have, but I know that there are lots of mothers, myself included, who would find themselves in an impossible bind if we had to start looking for alternate ways to take care of our children if we were in Pagan’s shoes.
There might be grandparents around, but maybe they’re not in good enough health to lend a hand. Siblings? Maybe they are too far away and can’t help because that would mean they would have to quit their jobs. Aunts? Uncles? Maybe, but there are really only so many realistic options when it comes to raising our children and not completely uprooting them from the homes and lives they know. And in this economy, it’s not realistic to argue that the dad should find another job that would allow him to cut back on travel.
I know there are many military families who struggle with this every day. And probably a lot of them are pretty angry that Lisa Pagan is getting to go home with her children when they can’t. But why is it so much to expect for the military to actually take family into consideration when it’s making decisions about deploying parents?
I know there’s not an easy answer, but I give Pagan a lot of credit at least for the chutzpah it took to be in the face of the Army, to show them the faces of the children who didn’t have a place to go or a family caregiver to keep them safe and to make the military see the reality of what it’s doing to mothers, and fathers, who thought they were done with military service only to find themselves pulled back in at a different stage of their lives.
If I was in Pagan’s shoes, I might have done the same thing because I know I don’t have any family members who would be able step up to care for PunditGirl if someone said I had to be gone for a year or more. School and babysitters can only get you so far.
March 3rd, 2009 at 10:57 am
I can not imagine being in her shoes and am glad that the Army is discharging her, but I wonder…didn’t SHE know what she was getting into when she signed onto the Army? It’s understood – especially today – that if you’re in the Army that you could be called away at any time. So, while I think that the military needs to work with families to do what’s best for everyone, at the same time I’m not ready to get up and give this woman a standing ovation. I’m left with more questions than answers in this case.
March 3rd, 2009 at 11:41 am
This is a very interesting conversation. “One Girl” has points about requirements that I certainly didn’t know. I’m not surprised; everything I’ve seen about the military and families demonstrates a real concern. For example, if you have a special needs kid you are only posted where there are services for that child.
Of course, her plan could have fallen through; her husband could have been promoted into a more-travel job in the interim, etc. I’m so glad you raised it. Clearly there’s more to find out.
March 3rd, 2009 at 11:48 am
I deleted last my post because I missed something!
I agree with Cathy that I have more questions from this. You have to provide proof to the military that your dependents are looked after before you deploy. And if you have a hardship, there are forms to fill out and decisions are made. Single moms / dads are in the military, and many of them are not allowed to be sent overseas because they have small ones that need them at home.
The military does take family into consideration, the same as any other employer. My boss doesn’t ask me who picks up the kids from daycare when he asks me to stay late, and he doesn’t ask me who will watch my kids when he sends me away for two weeks for training. It’s assumed I will take care of it and it’s assumed I will do my job.
In fact, one could argue that the military takes family into consideration more often, because they demand that you prove your dependents are being cared for.
I would wager a guess that her request was denied because she’s not a single parent. And I would also wager a guess that when she was put into ready reserves she was paid to do so. So she may just not be living up to her end of the deal. But I don’t know.
March 3rd, 2009 at 12:09 pm
I just happened to read more about this story on CNN. So, it seems that this woman was honorably discharged from the Army 4 years ago but was recalled (as the Army is allowed to do) as part of their “Ready Reserves” program. This makes me much more sympathetic to her. She wasn’t serving in a regular reserves program (at least as I’m reading it) knowing that she might be called to foreign duty. Her duty to the Army had been fulfilled years ago and she was living life as a civilian.
Still lots of questions, but knowing that she wasn’t actively involved with the Army when she was recalled does clear things up for me – and makes it more understandable that she wouldn’t have a backup plan for her children.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/03/02/us.soldier.children/index.html?iref=mpstoryview
March 3rd, 2009 at 11:26 pm
I’m glad to hear she’s being discharged but it damn well be with an honorable or we have to beat down the door of the Pentagon. Yes she knew what she was getting into when she enlisted but should she really expect to service her commitment, be discharged and years later be called back to service?
Oh dear PunditMom, I’m such I fan I would be terribly flattered in you followed me on twitter – winecat
March 4th, 2009 at 9:40 am
J, this is one topic where I’ll have to leave a brief comment here and go into greater detail on my own site.
But I’m glad there was some clarification here in the comments re the differences between Active Duty, Active Reserves, and Ready Reserves. Those differences are key in this case.
March 4th, 2009 at 10:06 am
The problem was that she had been out of the Army for years and just on the “ready reserve,” which used to mean there was a slight chance of being called up years after active service, but was never really used that much until the Bush admin.
March 4th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
I was going to leave a completely different comment about this until I read the update re: she had already served,was a civilian and rightfully had made other plans with her life. This goes to an issue that arose during the Bush admin about soldiers being “re-upped” more times than they should (in my opinion). We took on a war we didn’t really have the manpower to deal with.
March 4th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
Reading through some of the comments the theme seems to come out that she’d already served, was discharged and now the Individual Ready Reserve so this is unfair.
A little background: All enlistments are for eight years. Part of this time is active, part is reserve, but during all of it you’re required to maintain the standards of your service. Would people have been as sympathetic if she’d claimed she couldn’t deploy because she’d gotten fat? Or started using drugs? Both are much easier choices to make than having a child, and both would be just as much in violation of her agreement with the Army.
She, in fact, violated her contract with the Army when she failed to formulate what it calls a family preparedness plan for a situation such as this. That was her responsibility.
There are countless moms and dads who are soldiers, sailors, Marines and airmen leaving their families behind who can’t say, “Hey, wait a minute, I can’t deploy because I can’t find a babysitter.” They were figured it out. The worst part is, someone else is going to have to go in her place because she didn’t live up to her agreement.
Finally, she’s lucky she’s in the Army and not the Marine Corps. If she’d tried to do this to the Marine Corps, she would have ended up in front of a court-martial.
March 4th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
I’m a single, working mom and I have had some awful (and some wonderful) experiences dealing with child care.
I would HOPE that what comes out of this is a conversation about child care in this country and the desperate need we have for affordable, quality child care.
I’m, thankfully, in a work situation now where, in dire straits, I can bring the kids in to work with me.
And why oh why do our armed services do not have child care available?!?
March 5th, 2009 at 5:15 pm
There are so many variables in this story; I feel incapable of passing any kind of encompassing judgment, good bad or indifferent.
THAT SAID: one person raised a very interesting question – why doesn’t the Military provide childcare to those who serve their country? Parents may go to war, but are they the only ones to pay the price? Their children pay as well – sometimes in ways that will affect them for the rest of their lives.
ALSO: it’s a topic of interest to me that in this recent uber-conservative atmosphere, right-to-lifers seem to care only up until the moment of birth – and no further. Where are they when it comes to those very children who were “protected” as embryos, now that they need healthcare, childcare and education???
The “care” our country provides for so many kids is shameful – for once, I’m impressed that the Army stepped up and did what was right FOR THE CHILDREN.
March 6th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Even if a person is in the IRR, as said before they still need to be prepared to re-deploy if called upon. However, with that being said, having past military experience and being a military wife, I am not so sure that I would want a woman, deployed with my husband, who’s mind was on home because her children were in a situation where they may not be receiving adequate care and not fully on the job at hand. It’s in moments of mindless wandering (or worry) that so many accidents happen, leaving more often than not, a solider (maybe the one that was worried about home) either seriously injured or sadly not coming home.
This unfortunately is a situation, as many people have posted before, is all too often occurring. Where parents are being deployed (from all parts of the army, active, reserve or IRR), but it is their responsibility to ensure they do have the proper family preparedness plan. This, although mandatory, seems to be the one process that gets overlooked until the moment someone gets called up for deployment. However, it is also one of the hardest plan’s to prepare for many military families, finding themselves maybe based somewhere away from any support system they had in the first place. The Military in general needs to provide a better solution for families with children and a parent deploying, especially those that require child care. The more options people have and the more support they get from their employer the more likely they are to preform better and situations such as this one would not have occurred.
The long and short of it all is knowing she was still on contract. I assure you if this was my husband showing up with kids in tow, because I traveled all the time, I doubt they would be as lenient. Maybe this situation will be a bit of a wake up call to the military and other agencies that could lend a helping hand in this type of situation (including the husbands employer). Further more it should be a reminder to mothers/fathers who are IRR, that it is important to have a plan ready, even if it never has to be enacted.
March 6th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
Even if a person is in the IRR, as said before they still need to be prepared to re-deploy if called upon. However, with that being said, having past military experience and being a military wife, I am not so sure that I would want a woman, deployed with my husband, who’s mind was on home because her children were in a situation where they may not be receiving adequate care and not fully on the job at hand. It’s in moments of mindless wandering (or worry) that so many accidents happen, leaving more often than not, a solider (maybe the one that was worried about home) either seriously injured or sadly not coming home.
This unfortunately is a situation, as many people have posted before, is all too often occurring. Where parents are being deployed (from all parts of the army, active, reserve or IRR), but it is their responsibility to ensure they do have the proper family preparedness plan. This, although mandatory, seems to be the one process that gets overlooked until the moment someone gets called up for deployment. However, it is also one of the hardest plan’s to prepare for many military families, finding themselves maybe based somewhere away from any support system they had in the first place. The Military in general needs to provide a better solution for families with children and a parent deploying, especially those that require child care. The more options people have and the more support they get from their employer the more likely they are to preform better and situations such as this one would not have occurred.
The long and short of it all is knowing she was still on contract. I assure you if this was my husband showing up with kids in tow, because I traveled all the time, I doubt they would be as lenient. Maybe this situation will be a bit of a wake up call to the military and other agencies that could lend a helping hand in this type of situation (including the husbands employer). Further more it should be a reminder to mothers/fathers who are IRR, that it is important to have a plan ready, even if it never has to be enacted.
March 7th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
While having an IRR plan sounds like it is a simply matter let’s not forget that many things can change in 4 years. During a 4 year time period in my family I lost my mother then my father and a father in law, and a sister moved out of state. Thankfully I am not ion the military nor was I called up -but I can fully understanf how one could have a plan in place -and then through a seroius of events end up left with no one to help you out. Life happens.
Before any of us judge-we need to walk a mile in her shoes
March 8th, 2009 at 11:30 am
Yeah, this is a hard one. On the one hand, I'm pissed at her husband b/c when our *husbands* are deployed, we figure it out. We don't have that choice. BUT…as long as society places the burden of child rearing squarely on the shoulders of women, society (including the friggin military) has to take that into account.
As for people who say she shouldn't have had children, knowing her IRR commitment, that I just can't understand. Your active duty, reserve & IRR requirements take up a nice chunk of child bearing years. It's ridiculous to expect someone joining the military at 18 or even 22 to give up having children for such a long period of time. We would never ask the same of a man. And hence…I go back to the fact that society and the military need to make allowances for working women. Yeah, it's not fair to men, but not much in life is fair to women.