My gal pal Jodifur nudged me to take on the topic of Oprah and the mommybloggers. I know that could be a bit dangerous (I don’t want Oprah putting a hit out on my blog!), but I’ll go there anyway!
In case you hadn’t heard, Oprah had a bevy of women bloggers on her show this week, mostly to promote a book and a TV show with the focus being “The Secret Lives of Moms.” A variety of mommybloggers were also guests on the show to talk about their parenting experiences.
Jodi has weighed in at her place about her disappointment in the episode and I have to say, I agree with her take, but I’ll go one step further.
The show was billed as “spilling the beans about motherhood.” I was sad that the show’s focus was diapers, post-partum experiences and lack of sleep. I hate to break it to Oprah, but those beans have been laying all over the kitchen floor for a long time. As I watched, I thought, what if Oprah used her air space to explore a little mommy activism?!
Oprah and the mommybloggers (read: us) can change the world if we use our powers for good. Not that we’re using them for evil, but with well over 30 million of us out here, that’s the critical mass we need to change policies that adversely impact mothers — policies that make it hard on women in the workplace, attitudes that prevent better health insurance and child care options, and employers who are cutting off their respective noses to spite their faces by laying off women who work flex-hours or telecommute, just to name a few.
I get it that Oprah has to promote her brand and talk about things on her show that bring in money for advertisers. But the thing is, there were no real secrets revealed about mothering. We all have those little, embarrassing anecdotes that we share with our friends to remind ourselves that there are no perfect versions of motherhood.
We’re moms and things can be tough and frustrating at home. The real secret is that we’re more than the sum of our mothering experiences and there are lots of us who want to use what we know to change how mothers are treated and valued in our society.
One of the amazing things about mothers who write blogs (I have a love/hate relationship with the term “mommyblogger”) is that we’ve managed to bond and create a powerful sisterhood. We’ve given voice to our stories and helped a lot of people realize that motherhood is a powerful and, at times, frustrating experience. It would be amazing if we took all those connections and influence and moved one step further to change how we’re treated by employers and lawmakers, especially now that Oprah is our BFF!
We have the numbers and now we’ve got Oprah’s attention. It’s not like Oprah is afraid to look at some serious issues — there was a time when she did that more often. We’re a whole heck of a lot more than Dooce and you know what? That’s a good thing.
April 8th, 2009 at 10:19 am
Outstanding post. Thank you!
April 8th, 2009 at 10:25 am
Maybe she’s planning on a follow-up after she reads the critiques? I watched the whole episode and it felt like they were cramming a lot of content into a short amount of time.
April 8th, 2009 at 10:25 am
Hi there Pundit Mom. Found you via Twitter. Wow. I thought I was the only one who was troubled by the focus of the show. Thank you for the post!
April 8th, 2009 at 10:27 am
Not to mention that many of us who blog, are mothers, wifes, teachers, lawyers and so much more. I really hate the division between mother who work at home and those of us who work for a paycheck and work at home.There are more things that bind us together than should ever pull us apart.
I long ago realized that promting the difference between mothers who work full time at home and mothers who work part time at home and part time in the work place-only benefited men.
Intelligent women come in all shapes, sizes, colors and professions.So while I may be an Edublogger on Edublog, I am almost a personal blogger on google. Both roles are a part of me.
I think Oprah forgot all about us as well.
April 8th, 2009 at 10:29 am
I agree entirely. I tweeted right after the show that it felt more like a ‘bitch about motherhood’ fest than a substantive discussion about 21st century moms – what they’re doing, how things are evolving, what still needs to change, etc.
As a new mom-to-be (due in a few weeks!) I just felt that it was a missed opportunity to have the kind of conversation I’d love to have.
The good thing is that clearly Oprah believes that women / moms are powerful voices, and so it’s a subject she’s likely to revisit again.
April 8th, 2009 at 10:36 am
YES, YES, YES — let’s train ourselves to focus on how Mom’s are making impact not just noise (we do both so well and with such power)…this is the Forty Weeks mantra and well said PunditMom. So very glad I found this post today!
April 8th, 2009 at 10:41 am
Hear, hear! Blogging for change is good.
April 8th, 2009 at 10:55 am
Absolutely!!!
And my little pet peeve…
When has motherhood only been defined as the first few years of a child’s life? Diapers and PPD are firmly in my rearview mirror.
We must recapture the definition of motherhood, support one another and recognize the power we have.
April 8th, 2009 at 10:56 am
I missed the show, and now I feel a little better about it. It sounds like it was more mom than blogger.
Oprah, remember that moms are a strong constituency, and the moms who blog will talk. And other people, not just moms, will listen!
April 8th, 2009 at 11:17 am
Whoa, did that first comment have some serious typos!!! SORRY!!
First I must admit, I am not an Oprah watcher ~ but I have heard quite a few gripes regarding this show.
You seem to have put this in very good perspective (as usual) and I hope the O producers read this!!
Our tendency to be activists and changers of the universe far outway our savvy and propensity when it comes to vomit cleaning…
April 8th, 2009 at 11:43 am
OMG, right on! Diapers are the easy part!
It’s amazing how much people don’t talk about childcare issues more often.
We should organize a group. I’m not sure how we would do it.. but take our wants/desires from our government into a more public arena or something. You figure with the large amount of us, we should be taken seriousl.
April 8th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Thank you for the link and the follow up! And I agree 100% with everything you said. You have Oprah’s ear and you are talking mini vans and arts and crafts?
April 8th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
Kelley, that’s a great insight about the “divide” between working moms and SAH moms benefitting men. That’s something I’m going to chew on for a while.
Mamma, your pet peeve is one of mine, as well. I see it in the marketing pitches we all seem to get — if we’re moms, we must still be into diapers and pacifiers. With a nine year old, I’m on the verge of having to have “the talk,” so I could use some contact from people who can help me out with that!
April 8th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
Isn’t part of the problem that the media STILL apply stereotypes to moms? Sure it may not be June Cleaver anymore but it’s easier to not take moms seriously if the media presentation of them continues to be so “not serious.”
“Those wacky mommybloggers”
April 8th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
If I had known I would be reduced to nothing more than a “mom”, I would never have had a child.
And I thought being “just a girl” was bad once upon a time.
April 8th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Susan, I wonder why the media feels the need to stereotype us as moms. Are we that inscrutable that they have to put us in a box?
Annie, I hear what you’re saying — as with my critics who say, well if you don’t want to be called a mommy blogger, why did you put “mom” in the title of your blog.
I guess for many, we can only be one thing at a time.
April 8th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
I, too, was disappointed in the education for non-bloggers about the great community that we have built out here. Today is a beautiful example with what is happening with the Spohrs and the recent death of their daughter. I do not happen to read that blog, but have been so touched with the outpouring of support for that family. Blogging is not just about grousing, there are folks out here actually DOING things. GREAT things.
April 8th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
You are so right about this! We’re all helping each other in so many ways through our online connections and making things a little better each and every day by being there for each other. I’d love to see some coverage of that!!! Thanks Joanne for saying it all so well – as always!!!
April 8th, 2009 at 7:58 pm
I just left a comment at Jodifur’s post – it’s so refreshing to read her and your posts after scratching my head at the glowing tweets about the episode.
I’m copying below what I wrote at Jodifur’s post. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts! -Christine
+++++
THANK GOD.
I was DM’ing with Susan Getgood about this topic and she directed me to your post. I was skeptical when I saw the ads for the Oprah episode but wanted to tune in because some of my blog friends were going to be on.
Unfortunately, the episode was just what I had anticipated — very surface-y and a lot of complaining about basic issues that aren’t exactly secret, as you pointed out. I ended up turning it off when they got to the sex segment because: a) I was disappointed; and b) my 4yo already was asking why there was so much potty talk on TV.
The other issue that I brought up with Susan was that I found it odd that none of the bloggers other than Dooce received URL credit. I mean, I get that Dooce is the mother of all bloggers, but not including the URL’s made it seem like they just found a group of random women around the country to skype and subsequently failed to point out the fact that there is this amazingly powerful current of honesty about the good, bad, and ugly of motherhood. And that in this current runs content and reflection far deeper than diaper and mealtime travails.
April 8th, 2009 at 9:13 pm
Well said! I left a comment at Jodifur’s blog, too. I was amazed at how seriously boring it was. I mean, there was no meat. No funny. No poignancy. No provocative, thoughtful thinking or re-thinking of motherhood. It was a scant, watered-down view of parenting, cut to fit the promotion of a book and TV show.
Being a parent is tough, but really, these women made it seem like they worked in a coal mine or something. And really, did you see Oprah’s face? Sometimes it was like she was forcing herself to look interested.
I thought this was a real missed opportunity for such a large media format. There are amazing things happening in this world of parenting and blogging. And once again, people on the outside missed the real relevance, connection and community that is created around motherhood/fatherhood on the internet.
Shame on Oprah. That was lame.
Kim
April 9th, 2009 at 10:12 am
I think Shame on Oprah is a bit much. I mean, it’s not as though she said, “there’s a limit to how many blogger or mommy stories we’re doing and this is it.”
I got the impression the show was set up to sell the book and the television show and maybe in response to the new legislation about PPD.
I think the show was meant to be light humor rather than serious “we can change the world.”
That said, there was something oddly off and inauthentic about it.
Maybe I’m just done complaining about motherhood and I’m over the shock of what it is and how it changed me, so it was a real “Been there done that” show for me.
Or maybe I was just jealous that no one asked me to be on.
April 9th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
Hi PunditMom, you are a true kindred spirit and your post inspired me to sit down and blog about how I see Mojo Mom fitting into this universe of Mom writing. My goal for my book is to specifically go beyond just girlfriend truth-telling to inspire women to take action.
April 9th, 2009 at 7:48 pm
I’m also sorry that her “Mommybloggers” didn’t include middle-aged moms with voices of experience. We’re a force to be reckoned with. Plus, mothers of teens and college-age kids always get short-changed in the parenting pubs. Parenting doesn’t stop after the kids go to kindergarten.
April 9th, 2009 at 10:14 pm
Wow I’m glad I missed that episode. I may still be dealing with diapers with my youngest, but that’s not what defines me. I’d also like to see more of an accurate representation of moms out there.
April 10th, 2009 at 11:03 am
Several other women I know have said the same thing about hoping there would be some focus of mothers of children who are a bit older. As the mom of a 9 year old, I’m in that category. I’m assuming it’s because there’s not enough stuff that advertisers want us to buy that are geared toward our kids.
April 12th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
I emailed this to Jodifur personally after her comment on my blog. I think we need to keep in mind that not everyone is a blogger or reads blogs. Many women in the real world don’t discuss the difficulties of being a mother. Women in our society are not encouraged to complain. The message women many times get is that we can do it all and the difficult part is left out. Sure, we bloggers know that isn’t true and that we are not alone from reading others blogs and hearing their daily stories of struggles they are going through. Not everyone though has experienced that. I just finished a parenting class where I can honestly say that if those women were to watch the show, that would have been surprised that they weren’t alone in parenting. I’m in a moms group and sure we talked about the temper tantrums and being tired, but nothing like the honesty in the blogging world. That’s more between very close friends and many of us didn’t have very close mommy friends when we first became moms. Also, a lot of them still don’t understand or read blogs. I suspect if the show were about dads, it would have been more positively viewed. I also don’t think they would have been expected to have a solution to the “problems”. Was I shocked by anything? No. However, I thought the show served a purpose; just another way of letting moms know that they’re not alone. I just think with all the isolation, self-doubt and depression out there you can’t say it too many times.
April 13th, 2009 at 8:02 am
Alex, Thanks for that perspective. It is important for us to remember there are lots of women out there who do not have this blogosphere lifeline. I would have liked the Oprah show better, though, if she had seemed to want to talk more about the isolation and depression aspects rather than the funny and amusing stories, and the book and TV show they were promoting.