Comments on: Am I Letting My Fourth-Grader Down? http://www.punditmom.com/2009/08/am-i-letting-my-fourth-grader-down Having an opinion never goes out of style. Tue, 07 Feb 2012 03:22:18 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 By: Helicopter Parenting - Are We Letting Our Kids Down? | Strollerderby http://www.punditmom.com/2009/08/am-i-letting-my-fourth-grader-down/comment-page-1#comment-8123 Helicopter Parenting - Are We Letting Our Kids Down? | Strollerderby Wed, 16 Sep 2009 15:00:29 +0000 http://www.punditmom.com/?p=2097#comment-8123 [...] letting our kids grow up.  And she asks the hard question:  In our efforts to keep our kids safe, are we ultimately letting them down?   Helicopter vs. free-range parenting may be the new mommy wars battleground, but I think [...] [...] letting our kids grow up.  And she asks the hard question:  In our efforts to keep our kids safe, are we ultimately letting them down?   Helicopter vs. free-range parenting may be the new mommy wars battleground, but I think [...]

]]> By: Cynthia Samuels http://www.punditmom.com/2009/08/am-i-letting-my-fourth-grader-down/comment-page-1#comment-7509 Cynthia Samuels Thu, 06 Aug 2009 12:36:46 +0000 http://www.punditmom.com/?p=2097#comment-7509 What a wonderful post - and we all know Jen Lemen always inspires. I think it's a tough call because the world is not as it was when you were a kid. We all need to let our kids be more independent but always with that awareness. What I have learned is that if we act like they need to be too protected they will think we don't trust them. If we act confident - even quaking on the inside - that they can "do it" they will believe that too, eventually. My son took the bus from the west to the east side for a playdate in 4th grade after only riding to and from school, with no changes, since the beginning of the year. He was fine. I wasn't -- and then I was. You will be too. What a wonderful post – and we all know Jen Lemen always inspires. I think it’s a tough call because the world is not as it was when you were a kid. We all need to let our kids be more independent but always with that awareness. What I have learned is that if we act like they need to be too protected they will think we don’t trust them. If we act confident – even quaking on the inside – that they can “do it” they will believe that too, eventually. My son took the bus from the west to the east side for a playdate in 4th grade after only riding to and from school, with no changes, since the beginning of the year. He was fine. I wasn’t — and then I was. You will be too.

]]> By: Daisy http://www.punditmom.com/2009/08/am-i-letting-my-fourth-grader-down/comment-page-1#comment-7498 Daisy Wed, 05 Aug 2009 22:16:12 +0000 http://www.punditmom.com/?p=2097#comment-7498 I run up against this conundrum in my teaching. Parents (often!) complain that I expect too much of their little ones. I start from scratch each year, adding responsibility little by little, but there are still parents who will not accept that their children must learn to do it themselves or take the consequences. On the other hand, I see 4th graders who are responsible for getting themselves up, dressed, and to school each morning completely on their own - and that's often too much. I run up against this conundrum in my teaching. Parents (often!) complain that I expect too much of their little ones. I start from scratch each year, adding responsibility little by little, but there are still parents who will not accept that their children must learn to do it themselves or take the consequences. On the other hand, I see 4th graders who are responsible for getting themselves up, dressed, and to school each morning completely on their own – and that’s often too much.

]]> By: sumana http://www.punditmom.com/2009/08/am-i-letting-my-fourth-grader-down/comment-page-1#comment-7496 sumana Wed, 05 Aug 2009 18:23:10 +0000 http://www.punditmom.com/?p=2097#comment-7496 i come from a third world country have been to U.S. only for 9yrs now..i have to say my 7yr old is less independent here than i was in my country at that age. i walked to school with my friends, went out in the evening to play in the fields, my mom left me home and went to the stores near by and we didn't even have telephone, telephone came to our house when i was in 7th grade but i was responsible enough to not to open doors while mom was gone, or touch the cooking burners or matches and not only that i was also sent to the nearby grocery store alone to get small things...but now i cannot even think about doing these things with my child......it's not because iam in U.S. even in my country the parents are not doing these any more. Part of it is because with everything going around in the world we have become a panickstricken society more or less and our kids to some extent are suffering from these....they are less confident as they are always being told what to do by an adult and always wathched and hovered around. i don't know what's the solution as i am too less confident in bringing up my children the way i grew up. i come from a third world country have been to U.S. only for 9yrs now..i have to say my 7yr old is less independent here than i was in my country at that age. i walked to school with my friends, went out in the evening to play in the fields, my mom left me home and went to the stores near by and we didn’t even have telephone, telephone came to our house when i was in 7th grade but i was responsible enough to not to open doors while mom was gone, or touch the cooking burners or matches and not only that i was also sent to the nearby grocery store alone to get small things…but now i cannot even think about doing these things with my child……it’s not because iam in U.S. even in my country the parents are not doing these any more. Part of it is because with everything going around in the world we have become a panickstricken society more or less and our kids to some extent are suffering from these….they are less confident as they are always being told what to do by an adult and always wathched and hovered around. i don’t know what’s the solution as i am too less confident in bringing up my children the way i grew up.

]]> By: Anita http://www.punditmom.com/2009/08/am-i-letting-my-fourth-grader-down/comment-page-1#comment-7495 Anita Wed, 05 Aug 2009 17:54:41 +0000 http://www.punditmom.com/?p=2097#comment-7495 I was just thinking about the rural/town difference, as others have already commented on. I think there's another factor-- city kids tend to be really independent as well. They are confident on public transportation and talking with others, speaking up for themselves. I'm wondering if this is something we suburban parents have to be extra vigilant about-- letting our kids do more themselves, have more free time, fail more, try more, and ultimately gain more confidence in themselves and their abilities. My spouse and I have sworn up and down that our kids should get plenty of free time alone to explore and figure things out. The smartest, most capable people we know grew up like that-- not with a zillion lessons every week. Lots of good food for thought, Joanne, thank you. I was just thinking about the rural/town difference, as others have already commented on. I think there’s another factor– city kids tend to be really independent as well. They are confident on public transportation and talking with others, speaking up for themselves.

I’m wondering if this is something we suburban parents have to be extra vigilant about– letting our kids do more themselves, have more free time, fail more, try more, and ultimately gain more confidence in themselves and their abilities.

My spouse and I have sworn up and down that our kids should get plenty of free time alone to explore and figure things out. The smartest, most capable people we know grew up like that– not with a zillion lessons every week. Lots of good food for thought, Joanne, thank you.

]]> By: Diana http://www.punditmom.com/2009/08/am-i-letting-my-fourth-grader-down/comment-page-1#comment-7494 Diana Wed, 05 Aug 2009 15:03:39 +0000 http://www.punditmom.com/?p=2097#comment-7494 I think we have to stop to consider the circumstances under which we live as well. I'm no expert, but I would say that the living circumstances of the Rwandan people much more closely resemble that of those living rurally in the US than those living in cities and towns. And here -- we live rurally -- I see kids (in general) having more responsibility and independence than I do in towns and cities. My four year old knows how to tend and harvest a garden and can throw hay for the horses like a pro. My seven year old has several meals she is able to make completely solo for dinner, she knows how to do laundry from start to finish (granted we have a washing machine); can load, run and unload the dishwasher; knows how to properly stack a hay loft full; can drive the riding lawn mower and has been in the driver's seat of a tractor on my lap or her fathers more times than I can count; she can shoot a gun and has improved her aim immensely this summer; she rides her bike down the road to the neighbor's house when we're outside (we can see her the whole way); all in all I'm fairly confident if something happened tomorrow and I had to leave her home alone, she'd fare fine. But like I said our living circumstances dictate a different life here. At times when talking with people who live in cities and towns - people we know well - it feels like we live in an entirely different world. And the people of Rwanda do, too. I'm not sure where you live Joanne, but if you're in a well-populated area I think to some extent there's only so much you can do. You know? My kids have wide open hundred acre fields to learn how to drive a tractor in, if they go the wrong way they're not going to crash into the neighbor's garage. In a way it makes exercises in independence/survival skills easier here -- and in a much greater way because of necessity in Rwanda as well. I think we have to stop to consider the circumstances under which we live as well. I’m no expert, but I would say that the living circumstances of the Rwandan people much more closely resemble that of those living rurally in the US than those living in cities and towns. And here — we live rurally — I see kids (in general) having more responsibility and independence than I do in towns and cities.

My four year old knows how to tend and harvest a garden and can throw hay for the horses like a pro. My seven year old has several meals she is able to make completely solo for dinner, she knows how to do laundry from start to finish (granted we have a washing machine); can load, run and unload the dishwasher; knows how to properly stack a hay loft full; can drive the riding lawn mower and has been in the driver’s seat of a tractor on my lap or her fathers more times than I can count; she can shoot a gun and has improved her aim immensely this summer; she rides her bike down the road to the neighbor’s house when we’re outside (we can see her the whole way); all in all I’m fairly confident if something happened tomorrow and I had to leave her home alone, she’d fare fine. But like I said our living circumstances dictate a different life here. At times when talking with people who live in cities and towns – people we know well – it feels like we live in an entirely different world. And the people of Rwanda do, too.

I’m not sure where you live Joanne, but if you’re in a well-populated area I think to some extent there’s only so much you can do. You know? My kids have wide open hundred acre fields to learn how to drive a tractor in, if they go the wrong way they’re not going to crash into the neighbor’s garage. In a way it makes exercises in independence/survival skills easier here — and in a much greater way because of necessity in Rwanda as well.

]]> By: JennK http://www.punditmom.com/2009/08/am-i-letting-my-fourth-grader-down/comment-page-1#comment-7492 JennK Wed, 05 Aug 2009 14:46:54 +0000 http://www.punditmom.com/?p=2097#comment-7492 We're doing a poor job of creating functional adults. Along with the nature/volume of chores and contributing to the family, our kids are missing out on mastering organization and reasoning skills. Everything is done by rote -- the teacher tells the student exactly what assignments to write in their school-sanctioned planner, we guide our children step-by-step through every chore & task, we even structure their play-dates. Our kids are no longer expected or even given the freedom to figure things out for themselves -- how to complete an assignment, learn how to streamline chores through trial & error, what games to play at the park. They aren't given the opportunity to fail and learn from their mistakes in the low-stake world of childhood. Instead, we create an artificial environment of success. When these kids reach adulthood, they're expected to have mastered these critical thinking skills simply because they've been so structured for so long, but because they haven't put any of the work into it, they aren't prepared to do it themselves. I wonder if this has anything to do with the increasing college drop-out rate...? We’re doing a poor job of creating functional adults. Along with the nature/volume of chores and contributing to the family, our kids are missing out on mastering organization and reasoning skills. Everything is done by rote — the teacher tells the student exactly what assignments to write in their school-sanctioned planner, we guide our children step-by-step through every chore & task, we even structure their play-dates. Our kids are no longer expected or even given the freedom to figure things out for themselves — how to complete an assignment, learn how to streamline chores through trial & error, what games to play at the park. They aren’t given the opportunity to fail and learn from their mistakes in the low-stake world of childhood. Instead, we create an artificial environment of success. When these kids reach adulthood, they’re expected to have mastered these critical thinking skills simply because they’ve been so structured for so long, but because they haven’t put any of the work into it, they aren’t prepared to do it themselves. I wonder if this has anything to do with the increasing college drop-out rate…?

]]> By: MammaLoves http://www.punditmom.com/2009/08/am-i-letting-my-fourth-grader-down/comment-page-1#comment-7490 MammaLoves Wed, 05 Aug 2009 14:25:57 +0000 http://www.punditmom.com/?p=2097#comment-7490 Oh I know. I was doing more chores at my children's age. Our kids are stronger than we know. Oh I know. I was doing more chores at my children’s age. Our kids are stronger than we know.

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