Image via WhiteHouse.org/Pete Souza

Happy birthday, Michelle Obama! Turning 48?  Hey, you’re still just a youngster! You know what they say — 48 is the new 28.

If you’re even a little bit like me, though, at 48 you see can see that big 5-0 staring you pretty clearly in the face. Don’t think about that right now. Give some thought to what you’d really like for a birthday treat. That might be hard to focus on after getting so upset about that whole “angry black woman” thing, but go ahead – it’s your birthday. Indulge!

I know you have enough clothes in your wardrobe, both for your fitness routines and in the designer category. I hear you can go pretty much anywhere you like on Air Force One, and you already have a few people to help out with the cleaning and the laundry. I’m assuming with the 2012 campaign in full swing, the President probably isn’t going to be heading out to Tiffany a la Newt Gingrich to get you anything this year, but I have four ideas about how you might enjoy your day:

Plan a getaway with the girls. I don’t mean Valerie Jarrett or your Chief of Staff, though I’m sure they’re lovely women. We already know you can sneak off to undetected Target or PetSmart. So I bet you could probably do the same for a couple of days to unwind with a gal pal or two, maybe hang out around the pool with a glass of white wine? OK, so maybe I’m projecting a little bit about what would be on my birthday wish list, but what high-profile woman couldn’t use a little time away?

If you can’t get away, then do the exact opposite. Head down to the White House theater, order up some snacks from the White House chef and hunker down with a reality show marathon. I know you might not admit it, but we all have a favorite guilty pleasure when it comes to the world of reality television. I know you’ve been a guest on one yourself, but I think a little time with something with a little less social value could help you enjoy the day. If you have a hard time choosing, I can messenger over a couple of complete seasons of Project Runway from the PunditMom viewing library.

Take an online course. No one will know it’s you. You can interact with some “real” people and cultivate one of your long lost hobbies. A little imagination is all it takes to come up with a faux identity and new Gmail account. I know I’m enjoying a nice photography inspiration class at the moment. Or you could try out this one to figure out whether you really want to run for Senate in 2016.

And of course, I think you need a copy of my book, Mothers of Intention. If you’re going to have to focus on getting women on board for your husband’s re-election campaign, I think you might find some good background here. Plus, some people have said it’s a great read!

So don’t worry about the whole almost-50 thing at the moment.  Remember, your husband was the one who had the mid-life crisis, so you don’t need to to that.  And just remember that 53 is the new 33.  I speak from experience on this one.

Image via JodiKantor.net

The just-released, best-selling book “The Obamas“  written by New York Times correspondent Jodi Kantor is getting a lot of push back from the White House in connection with her reporting of Mrs. Obama’s interactions with the President’s staff and her portrayal of the ups and downs of the Obama family’s adjustments to White House life.  Michelle Obama has been quite vocal about the fact that she is not too happy with how she is portrayed, saying that she’s not “an angry black woman.”

After reading the book, I’m surprised that the White House isn’t embracing this account, especially with regard to the portrayal of Mrs. Obama.  No, she’s not what we might call a traditional First Lady — it’s clear that she feels confident enough in herself as an educated, professional woman that she can express her views and concerns to her staff, as well as to the President’s.  I don’t see that as a bad thing.

Jodi Kantor’s account is an in-depth look at the Obama family’s White House evolution and the growing pains that all First Families surely must go through. Kantor’s book paints a picture of a family with a shared sense of mission coming to terms with the public dissection of what were once a private conversations and moments.  And no, Mrs. Obama does not come across as a wallflower or timid presidential spouse.  She is clearly someone comfortable with talking about how certain issues and decisions impact the goals that the Obamas have for their tenure in Washington.  For anyone to suggest that this is a new thing in the world of First Ladies is either uninformed or just plain disingenuous.

Kantor had unprecedented access to the East Wing of the White House and Mrs. Obama’s staff.  In addition to many interviews she conducted “on background” — meaning she could quote what people said, but not identify them by name — as well as the on the record conversations she had with some of Mrs. Obama’s closest confidantes, it’s hard to criticize her reporting, even though it seems like the White House is trying.

So what does the author make of all this attention – good and bad – for a book she’s worked on for years? I caught up with Kantor, who also happens to be a busy mom of a six-year-old daughter, to get her thoughts on White House marriages, the notoriety she’s received for the book, and who she was really writing it for.

Q: Why do you think we’re fascinated with the marriages of First Couples?

A: I think we’re interested in seeing transitions from a private marriage to what [inevitably] becomes something of a super-marriage. Conversations First Couples had before arriving at the White House were interactions that always remained private. Once a couple moves into the White House, all those personal, private debates become public.

Q: What made you want to write this book?

A: I was inspired to write “The Obamas” partly because many women [who were Hillary Clinton supporters in 2008] came up to me while I was covering that that campaign and said there just weren’t enough stories about women and politics that speak to us [as women.] Some of my friends have often wondered why certain stories about family life in the White House don’t make headlines. I was also inspired by the Doris Kearns Goodwin book, “No Ordinary Time” that portrayed President Franklin Delano Roosevelt and Eleanor Roosevelt as true political partners. I liked that “No Ordinary Time” gave equal time to each of their stories.

I also wanted to write a book that showed how White House families evolve and change over time. That’s difficult to do in day-to-day news coverage. But I thought it would be interesting to write a book that would illustrate how a first couple changes and transforms, showing the readers that the people they meet at the beginning of the book aren’t the same at the end. Both of the Obamas learned how to cope with certain frustrations and difficulties [of White House life]. I think those lessons of growth are very powerful.

Q: Do you think people would respond differently to some of the stories about Michelle Obama if they were about a “First Husband?”

A: First Ladyhood won’t change until we elect our first woman president. Once we have a First ‘Gent’ – a role that will come with no preconceived expectations – it will be easier for subsequent First Ladies to change what that role can be. The first First Lady we have after the first woman president will be a lucky woman!

Q: How do you feel about the criticism the book is receiving for what some see as a portrayal of Michelle Obama as an “angry black woman?”

A: I’m surprised that some people perceive an “angry back woman” undercurrent in the book. I was very careful to write the book in a way that I thought moved beyond stereotypes, which I’ve tried to do my other writing about the Obamas.

Q: When I read and heard some of the book’s reviews, I wondered why there was little about parenting in the White House. Then as I read your book, it became clear that you do address that throughout, including a whole chapter dedicated to that topic!

A: Yes, I really wanted to address that part of the Obamas’ lives and [as a mother myself] write the book for an audience that I really wanted to speak to – women and mothers. But I also wanted to write about how parenting [in a fishbowl] has impacted the lives of all their family. For example, I shared what I thought was a [relatable] parenting story in the book about the time the President was speaking about education initiatives and announced nationally that he had been disappointed that Malia had received a score of only 73 on a test. She got really mad at her dad and he apologized to her later for that.

Kantor and I agreed we could have talked for hours on the parenting aspects of the Obamas’ story, as well as what women would really like to see from other women in politics. Fingers crossed we get to have that conversation soon.

A version of this post was originally written for iVillage.com, where I’ll be working on 2012 election coverage this year!

Image via Amazon.com

I wasn’t lucky enough to get an early peek at “The Obamas,” the just-released book about the First Couple and their family, how they’ve fared living inside the Washington, D.C beltway, and the impact their experiences have had on their personal lives. (I’m still waiting for my copy to arrive via my Amazon Prime account!) The advance reviews of the new book by New York Times journalist Jodi Kantor suggest that it’s a compelling read, with lots of inside information about the First Family’s struggles, both personally and professionally. But some critics are wondering how much is fact and how much is Kantor’s spin, in light of the fact that she hasn’t interviewed the Obamas themselves since 2009.

The aspect I’m looking forward to most is what this book will tell us about Michelle Obama and her behind-the-scenes influence as First Lady. Not because I’m a voyeur, but because the story of how an accomplished professional woman used to speaking her own mind and being in control of her own destiny, who suddenly finds that way of life yanked out from under her, will resonate in numerous ways with many working women. Clearly the usual “work/life” balance issues so many of us juggle pale in comparison to what Michelle Obama has had to adjust to, but it sounds like the revelations about the impact that White House living has had on her life and marriage paint a picture of a woman trying to maintain her identity and voice, while navigating the dangerous political waters of being perceived as over-stepping the traditional role of a White House wife.

As a woman who came of age at about the same time as Mrs. Obama, that’s a story I want to read.

One review written by journalist and political spouse Connie Schultz remarks that it was clear from Kantor’s reporting that, “Mrs. Obama struggled with her changed role — in the world at large but also in her family. It was impossible to take her girls to school, or sometimes even attend their soccer matches, without embarrassing them with the accompanying ruckus. She also felt new limitations in her marriage — imposed, not by the president, but by his presidency. An accomplished professional, smart and wickedly funny, she was used to being Mr. Obama’s partner. Now his day was scheduled in five-minute increments, and she was abruptly recast as his helpmate.”

It can’t be easy to go from a life where friends and family can come and go at will to one where everyone has to be vetted by the Secret Service. How many of us would be upset if we were forced to switch our routine from being a regular at our children’s schools and soccer games to one of having to forgo a major part of our kids’ lives because of the security disruptions? And then, on top of that, how would any of us fare with having to navigate the waters of being a first among first couples, as the Obamas are as the first African-American First Family?

Even before the book was released, the White House denounced many of the accounts of Michelle Obama’s policy influence and frustrations with the President’s staff as mere gossip. But Kantor told the TODAY Show that she had access to “top aides, close friends,” and Mrs. Obama’s East Wing staff, who shared many of the stories in her book. Kantor has spent years making herself an expert on the Obamas, their life together, who they are as individuals and how they relate to one another. In the world of narrative non-fiction, it’s the job of the writer to make observations and draw logical conclusions based on those facts. That’s what we expect from writers of compelling non-fiction books. Without that, their stories would nothing more than dry timelines.

Schultz says in her New York Times review — “In lesser hands ‘The Obamas’ would be an act of astonishing overreach, but Ms. Kantor … has earned the voice of authority. A meticulous reporter, Ms. Kantor is attuned to the nuance of small gestures, [and] the import of unspoken truths.” And isn’t that the kind of book we all want to read? One that gives us insight and perspective into a story that’s more than just an account on the evening news?

A version of this post was written for iVillage, where I’m helping to head up the sites 2012 election coverage.

But no one can keep up the fashion 24/7.  All women have their moments when they are, shall we say, a little more “casual.”

So what happens when she tries to sneak out of the White House and get a little “ordinary mom” shopping time at Target looking like an ordinary mom?  A whole lot of hate from right-wing commentators like Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and Glenn Beck.

What’s a girl to do?  That’s I’m wondering about at my Babble Voices Spin Cycle column this week.  What do you think — when FLOTUS makes a little shopping escape, is she just grabbing a little mom time or is the White House setting up some politically motivated photo-ops?

Image vi Washington Post

Wisconsin protesters are slobs.

Natalie Portman’s out-of-wedlock pregnancy is “troubling,” but Bristol Palin’s, not so much?

If Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker doesn’t get his way, he’s going to stomp his feet and start firing people to show the Democrats who oppose him who’s the boss.  You know, sort of like in those crime movies when the bad guys hold the gun to the head of the hero’s girlfriend to make him back down?

Sigh.

If I thought conservatives were really focused on juvenile behavior and pop culture moments likes these, I’d actually sleep easier at night.  But that’s all just political bait and switch.  Sleight of hand.  Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain stuff to get the media spotlight away from their war on women, both reproductive and economic, as well as efforts to keep things good for their political contributors rather than the country’s health.

If we’re busy paying attention to the over-the-top antics that make us shake our heads, we won’t be focusing on what they’re really doing.  Right?  I guess I’d better go shopping for some natural supplements to up my concentration power, because I have the feeling that this is just the start of many on the right creating their own Charlie Sheen moments so we won’t be paying attention to what they’re really up to.

Sadly, she was wrong. For some conservatives, her effort to make our country’s children healthier through her “Let’s Move” program is just another socialist stategy to move us toward a nanny state.  And just for good measure, to persuade conservative followers get on the anti-healthy eating bandwagon, biggovernment.com brings you their version of Michelle Obama:

Fair political caricature or just a riff on the old playground retort, “You’re ugly and your mother dresses you funny?”   I’ve got more on this at Politics Daily!

Don’t count out Congresswoman Gabby Giffords. Before she was shot in the head in the Tucson shooting spree at a January constituent meeting, she had her eye on Senator Jon Kyl’s seat in the event he decided not to run for re-election in 2012.  Given her recovery progress, she might still be in that race.

What do you think of Michelle Obama’s Facebook rules for Sasha & Malia?  Mine are similar and, at least as far as my fifth grader is concerned, have landed me in the “mean mom” club.

This is an amazing piece about a fierce “mother of intention” — the Yemeni mother of three who is leading her country’s Egypt-inspired revolution through social media.

Will South Dakota really make it permissible to kill abortion providers?

And Elizabeth Warren for Senate?  Man — I wish I had thought of this!

I have two words — lay off.

Can’t we just let them enjoy what little “private” mother-daughter time they’re ever going to have, especially at this time in their relationship? Sasha will be a fourth-grader this year and I know from personal experience with my own daughter that these years — the ones where the diapers and tantrums are done but the teen hell years are still off in the distance — are especially precious.

Not to mention the obvious question — isn’t it a good thing to have the First Children see the world?

When I was a young girl growing up on a small farm in rural Pennsylvania, I dreamed of the day I’d be able to see something beyond a few of the states that surrounded the one where I lived.  Most of the people I knew were content to settle in my small hometown after high school or college, or at least not stray too far.  But I longed to break loose, move to the big city and see EVERYTHING!

Of course, that requires two things — time and money.  The time was no problem.  The money?  Well, that was a little harder to come by as I worked my way through college while pursuing a journalism career. Not to mention the cost of that law degree I have.  By the time I secured my first passport and made my maiden trip across the pond, I was 35.  I’ve made up for lost time since then, but I knew that if and when I had a family, if I could swing it, I’d want any children to travel internationally sooner than I had to be able to see first-hand how the rest of the world lives.

So I’ve been thinking a lot about the current media Michelle smack-down:

It’s not appropriate to make such a jaunt when the country’s unemployment rate is 10%!  How dare they spend some of the taxpayers money on a lavish trip?!  Why isn’t she keeping her daughters at home when so many other American families have had to scrap their more modest getaway plans?

I’m sure there are some families thinking these things, but the real reason for this trash talk isn’t difficult to figure out — it’s an easy way to fill time and create “content.”   This is a Faux News story.  If the first family of the United States can’t take their small children on trips to show them the world, who can?  For security reasons, presidential families will always have to travel in special jets and endure Secret Service companions, all at taxpayer expense.  Is that a reason to keep their children locked up in the White House with their only exposure to other cultures coming from their school classes?

No doubt these same politicos would not be calling Michelle a modern day Marie Antoinette if she had chosen something like a reprise of the Clinton vacation to Jackson Hole, Wyoming.  Comparing her to the headless French queen is just conservative crazy talk.  You can bet that if this trip was the same except you exchanged Laura Bush and one of her daughters for Michelle and Sasha, and there would be nary a peep from the naysayers.  The coverage would more likely be about what a nice mother-daughter experience they were having that both would remember for the rest of their lives.

This easy time-filling brouhaha is nothing more than the intersection of cable news spin and our country’s increasing xenophobia, as well as the conservative zeitgeist that the Obamas just don’t deserve any of this — neither the the White House nor any of the accouterments that come with being the family of the leader of the free world.

Michelle’s desire to have some special time with Sasha is normal and understandable.  What isn’t normal is that they’re the First Family, and there’s no place in the America they could go to have some quiet girl time in these last golden years of childhood.  If any of the rest of us were in Michelle’s shoes, we’d probably be doing the same thing in an effort to give our families whatever little bit of “normal” mom and daughter experiences that are possible for people who live in the biggest glass house in the world.  So why shouldn’t we let them have their time and put the politics of First Family vacations to rest?

Image courtesy BET.com.

UPDATE: I wasn’t thinking about this angle until my fellow MOMocrat Cynthia Liu posted this response on Facebook to this post.  It sort of gives a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘double standard.’

I see, the GOP can stall extension of unemployment benefits, urge the continuation of the UNPAID-for Bush tax cuts for the wealthiest 1% of the country, and dismiss 119 golf “fundraisers” attended by the GOP leader of the House in the last …365 days…but it’s Michelle and Sasha Obama’s trip to Spain that sends a “let them eat cake” message to the American people.

I’m really sick of how the press willingly repeats the most racist memes from the right wing.

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Sarah Palin got dissed by fellow Republicans at a recent RNC fundraiser. Meghan McCain takes heat for not toeing the GOP party line on gay marriage and for criticizing Ann Coulter. And while Sonia Sotomayor isn’t a Republican, she’s hardly the most liberal judge out there and is being attacked as if she was the next incarnation of Jerry Brown. With all these women on the short end of the conservative’s stick these days, I’m beginning to wonder if the GOP likes girls.

Sure, they have a big love-fest with Ann Coulter and Liz Cheney, two women who are adept at channeling the darkest side of Republican politics, but it seems like the GOP increasingly has a problem with women unless they agree that our country is “importing terrorists” or unless they’re willing to be mean to small children. In addition to questioning people’s political bona fides, I sense a sudden surge in resorting to petty juvenile ugliness if political women don’t agree with what are becoming lockstep GOP positions.

Conservative darling Laura Ingraham (one woman the GOP does seem to like) took her disdain of Meghan McCain to the mean girl level of suggesting that her views should be discounted because Ingraham thinks McCain is fat and talks funny. To her spunky credit, McCain finally announced that anyone who wants to mock her size can kiss her fat a$$! Sarah Palin was the next big thing for the GOP when she was John McCain’s running mate, but today the not-so-subtle inferences that she’s incapable of anything other than advocating for abstinence only sex education are hard to escape.

There seems to be a purposeful blind spot when it comes to processing anyone, especially women, who doesn’t gratefully accept the GOP wisdom that men have laid down before them and who decide that perhaps they can — *GASP* — think for themselves. Sure, it could just be that right-wingers don’t like these three women — but there’s a pattern that’s becoming disturbingly common in how some Republicans talk about women they disagree with. There is a marked increase in resorting to personal insults, mockery and language my third-grade daughter and her classmates know better than to use. Sotomayor is too judicial to say what she’d probably like to about Republican (and media) attacks that her temperament is suspect because she criticizes lawyers who’ve come before her if they were ill-prepared or disorganized when they were in her courtroom! I hate to break it to the GOP leadership, but if that’s a disqualifier, then every judge I’ve ever practiced before would be out on their bums!!

Seriously, isn’t it clear? Lots of men and some women in the GOP seem to be afraid of those who deviate from the approved party line. It’s sort of like the political equivalent of the old Saturday Night Live skit where every theater-goer, who seems to have been hypnotized, describes the bad magic show in the same words –“It was as good as Cats. I could see it again and again.” Wander from the Rush Limbaugh-approved script and you’re smacked down as a critical, short-tempered, unqualified, plus-size diva.

Maybe I shouldn’t raise the issue. If the Republican party isn’t careful with its continued slams against women who think outside the small conservative party box, it will find itself with no women other than the current handful who seem to enjoy playing the inflammatory games of Limbaugh and Newt Gingrich. As a Democrat, that’s OK with me — but I know there are plenty of moderate Republican women who are looking for a reason to stay in the party and feel like that’s becoming more difficult. If the way the party is set up now doesn’t change, all those bullies will find themselves without women voters. The good old boys are going to need those votes — unless they’re planning on cloning themselves in time for November 2012. 

Looking at the impact that the former Alaska Governor is having on the political world now is fair.  Putting her on the cover of a major news magazine in a tight, revealing outfit makes me wonder — would they do this to any notable woman given the chance?

The buzz on the cover story has been mixed.  The Women’s Media Center, which created a video during the 2008 presidential campaign entitled, “Sexism Sells, But We’re Not Buying It,” issued a statement saying:

[We] strongly object to Newsweek’s cover featuring Sarah Palin in short shorts and a fitted top. It is clear that, under pressure to be provocative, Newsweek is using Sarah Palin as a pin-up girl to sell magazines.

Like all political figures, Palin’s record, policies and performance should be subject to rigorous media critique. However, The Women’s Media Center opposes media coverage focused on her appearance and sexuality. This positioning of Sarah Palin undermines any serious analysis of her role as a national political figure.

…

What Mr. Meacham and his colleagues fail to realize is that, by portraying Sarah Palin in this light, they have added an additional barrier for all women and girls who aspire to political leadership. It is no coincidence that women make up only 17 percent of Congress while comprising 51 percent of the nation’s population.

What about Palin’s role in this?  Clearly, she must have thought this was a perfectly legitimate way to portray herself and, as a mother of daughters, must not be worried about what message she’s sending by posing in what used to be called “hot pants,” even for a runner’s magazine.

I hold publications like Newsweek to a higher standard, though.  I don’t want my fourth-grade daughter to get the idea that the road to political office is paved with short shorts, a suggestive pose and lots of eye makeup.  Or that for a woman politician to be on the cover of a major magazine, this is what you’ve got to do.

For me, the bigger issue is the cumulative effect. It’s not just about Palin looking like a sexy runner in Newsweek.  It’s also about portraying Michelle Obama as the shy party girl on the cover of Glamour and the brouhaha over Hillary Clinton’s cleavage. It’s about looking at the bigger picture and asking, “Is it ever OK?”

Newsweek is using sex to sell magazines.  It’s no secret that Newsweek is in financial trouble, so it’s no leap to assume that hoping to sell more magazines was one of the considerations in choosing the cover photo.

At the end of the day, the question shouldn’t be whether Palin deserves this treatment because she’s the one who allowed the photo to be taken and whether she set herself up (again) to be viewed as the victim, even though the original photo was for Runner’s World.  The bigger issue really is about all women.  Because if the media thinks it’s OK to undercut and minimize high profile women with the use of a photo like this, then what would make them stop when it comes to how they write about and cover the rest of us?

When they call us “mommybloggers” as a way to belittle our writing or tell us not to worry our little heads about whether we get our mammograms at 40 or 50, it’s all a form of sexism, just as the use of this photo is.

Part of me does feel like Palin deserves what she gets.  But if I don’t want to be on the receiving end of that same sexism, then don’t I have an obligation to speak up when it happens to her, even if she had some role in it?

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