Sue Shellenbarger, who writes about work and family for the WSJ, wrote:

“Mommy blogs in general tend to be everyday diaries of details one might share over coffee — baby’s first step or the perils of finding a preschool. Most are blander than Dooce, less humorous and significantly less profane.”

I really like Shellenbarger’s writing and I think she picks great topics to focus on, but having been newly schooled about the art of contacting journalists and writing letters to the editor, I thought, ‘Hey, I don’t agree with that and I should let her know!’

That’s how I learned the rough lessons of how editing can change the tone and flavor of one’s original intent.

The day the story ran, I sent off the following E-mail:

Dear Ms. Shellenbarger,

I was interested to read your article today entitled “The Blogger Mom, In Your Face.” You wrote:

“Mommy blogs in general tend to be everyday diaries of details one might share over coffee — baby’s first step or the perils of finding a preschool.”

I am afraid I have to disagree with that characterization. I am a mother and a blogger and have been lumped in the category of “mommy bloggers” for some time. But my blog, PunditMom, focuses on political topics. I focus on politics at a variety of other outlets, as well, including MOMocrats, MomsRising and BlogHer. Yesterday, I wrote a post for The Huffington Post entitled Blogging is the New Feminist Act.

My blog is featured as an Alltop poltical blog, as are others including MOMocrats.

To characterize mothers who blog as people who just want to write about baby’s first step or finding a preschool is incorrect. A multitude of women blog about many other things about their lives, their thoughts and their beliefs. A short tour of the blogosphere will produce many examples.

I would love to talk with you about this aspect of mothers and blogging, which has received very little attention in the media, if you are ever writing on this topic in the future.

To my surprise, a few days later, I received a very nice response from Shellenbarger, saying she’d like to submit my letter to her as a possible letter to the editor to run in response to her article! Pay dirt! Of course, my letter wasn’t short enough, so she asked, and I agreed to, have my letter submitted as follows:

Sue Shellenbarger characterized mommy blogs as “everyday diaries of details one might share over coffee — baby’s first step or the perils of finding a preschool.” As a mother and a blogger, I disagree. My blog, PunditMom, focuses on political topics. To characterize mothers who blog as people who just want to write about baby’s first step or finding a preschool is incorrect. A multitude of women blog about many other topics arising from their lives, their thoughts and their beliefs. This aspect of mothers and blogging has received very little attention in the media.

She did tell me it might get cut some more. But I was surprised when I saw it this morning like this:

To characterize mothers who blog as people who just want to write about baby’s first step or finding a preschool is incorrect. A multitude of women blog about many other topics in their lives, including their thoughts and their beliefs. This aspect of mothers and blogging has received very little attention in the media.

Still not bad, but not exactly what I was trying to convey.

So a lesson to all of us — don’t beat around the bush and be more succinct if you want your meaning to come through for others to read!

But, hey, it’s one more step toward “mommy blogger” world domination!

Before I begin, full disclaimer. These are my thoughts, my feelings, my perceptions about gender stereotypes. Your Mileage May Vary.

I’m 46. As your mileage catches up to mine, you may see my point of view Or not.

Of late, the mainstream media has shifted its attention to the mom blogger. Whether it covers the Digital Mom (Today) or the Secret Lives of Moms (Oprah) , it seems to be focusing its “laser” attention on a new stereotype of moms.

A digital mom. Who seems to be in her early thirties, generally white and blond-ish, and blogging about her experiences — good, sometimes bad, and occasionally whiny — as a mom. Played on TV, generally, by Heather Armstrong (Dooce).

Don’t get me wrong. I love being a mom. I waited a long time to become one, and it was never certain that I would. My son is one of the most important things in my life.

But my experience of motherhood as a later in life mom with, at the time Douglas was born, a senior executive job at a technology company is very different than Heather’s. I had to battle different things, including very real sexism on the job. I had to operate in a world where my joy in parenthood had to be tempered, because my male colleagues saw it as a weakness. They would never admit it, but oh my, was it clear. Seen, not heard, baby.

I have tremendous respect for women who, like Dooce, have turned their motherhood into a money stream. God bless you and rock on as you rake it in. Not for me, but it works for you and I have no problem with it.

I’m also NOT proposing that mom bloggers stop sharing their stories in any way they wish on their blogs. Your life, your stories, your words, your right.

BUT….

Have we taken four steps forward and five steps back? Are we still letting mainstream media define us by our motherhood? Sure, it is not June Cleaver anymore; there’s a nod to diversity. A teeny weeny nod.

Nevertheless, the media seems to be re-focusing on women in a very traditional role of mother, tripping lightly over our other achievements.

Have we really come a long way, or are we back near the beginning?

Is this new perception of modern day moms damaging our ability to be perceived as women APART from our roles as mothers? The media seems to be grabbing hold of an image of the digital mom that threatens to overwhelm our individual and collective achievements as professional women. To stuff us back in a gender-defined box.

How else to explain shows like “In the Motherhood” ? Or Oprah’s Secret Lives of Moms, which I did not watch because the show generally irritates me and I didn’t expect the mom episode to be much different. (Read some other moms who weren’t over the moon about Oprah). Or the idea that Oprah’s foray into Twitter (lord help us) has something to do with soccer moms?

Is the digital mom becoming a new stereotype that will be just as damaging as June Cleaver?

I’m worried that the answer is yes.

Now, here’s where I put on my truly radical feminist hat. Be warned, and bear with me, as I am still thinking through this issue. I would love to hear your thoughts, whether you agree with me, think I am full of shit or something in between.

Is the mainstream media stuffing women, in general, back in the mommy box because the US power structure relies on women staying in their traditional gender role? To some degree, I think the answer is yes.

Those in power – mostly men – want to stay in power. Full stop. Individual women are allowed to break out of the mold – if they push push push hard enough, give up everything except their careers etc. They are allowed to be the rare exceptions – the Queen Bees. They are unique.

Society doesn’t acknowledge that women can be just as capable, competitive as male counterparts, and still be nurturers. Moms. The successful woman is special. [Note: Women are also allowed to rise to the top if they embody the stereotype and use it to be successful. Mary Kay, Avon etc.]

The rest of us? At the core, The Powers That Be want – need – us as a gender to stay in the traditional role as much as possible. Our economy is to some degree built on the assumption that we will. We can have jobs, but not the top jobs. Look at the tech industry – even the social media industry. At most conferences, most of the speaking slots are STILL filled by men. A smattering of token women, usually the same ones over and over. Because you know, they are special.

Even Michelle Obama, a very successful attorney in her own right, has been completely redefined as a wife and mother. Don’t even get me started on how the media has f-ed over Hillary Clinton. Would take multiple posts and only my policy wonk friends would stick it out.

The other side of this problem is the Madonna – Whore dichotomy. It often seems, women must be one or the other. Never both. Our society still has tremendous difficulty separating sex from biology. Consider breastfeeding. Biology, people. Mothers make milk and some choose to breastfeed their babies. Others don’t. Has NOTHING to do with sex. No need for blankets. Or embarrassment. For anyone.

Yes, this mom in the media trend makes me very uneasy. Tell me I’m wrong. I want to be wrong. I don’t think I am.

What do you think?

I had no idea this had come out, but a friend pointed me to a Top 50 list — the Top 50 Mommy Blogs. It’s really nice to be included with some of my faves and women who were my inspiration when I started writing PunditMom, like Mom-101, mothergoosemouse, Motherhood Uncensored, Girl’s Gone Child and, of course my fellow MOMocrat, CityMama (MOMocrats got a pretty nice mention on a different list!).

But I’m thinking that if the term “mommy blog” is going to stick, it’s time to redefine it to mean what we want it to. Yes, we write stories about the influences of our motherhood experiences, but if those who like to brand us and pat us on the heads as cute little moms with a funny little hobby, they need to look closer. We’re really writing about a lot more — there’s a plethora of compelling writing on mom blogs that reveals plenty about our lives above and beyond wiping noses and butts.

It’s just easier for some to look at us as two-dimensional, interchangeable and fungible. But I’ve got a little news for them. We’re gaining a lot of ground and when they least expect it, we’ll be the ones setting public policy agendas and lobbying for legislation we believe in.

They won’t see it coming, but that’s OK. We’ll be benevolent dictators!

In case you hadn’t heard, Oprah had a bevy of women bloggers on her show this week, mostly to promote a book and a TV show with the focus being “The Secret Lives of Moms.” A variety of mommybloggers were also guests on the show to talk about their parenting experiences.

Jodi has weighed in at her place about her disappointment in the episode and I have to say, I agree with her take, but I’ll go one step further.

The show was billed as “spilling the beans about motherhood.” I was sad that the show’s focus was diapers, post-partum experiences and lack of sleep. I hate to break it to Oprah, but those beans have been laying all over the kitchen floor for a long time. As I watched, I thought, what if Oprah used her air space to explore a little mommy activism?!

Oprah and the mommybloggers (read: us) can change the world if we use our powers for good. Not that we’re using them for evil, but with well over 30 million of us out here, that’s the critical mass we need to change policies that adversely impact mothers — policies that make it hard on women in the workplace, attitudes that prevent better health insurance and child care options, and employers who are cutting off their respective noses to spite their faces by laying off women who work flex-hours or telecommute, just to name a few.

I get it that Oprah has to promote her brand and talk about things on her show that bring in money for advertisers. But the thing is, there were no real secrets revealed about mothering. We all have those little, embarrassing anecdotes that we share with our friends to remind ourselves that there are no perfect versions of motherhood.

We’re moms and things can be tough and frustrating at home. The real secret is that we’re more than the sum of our mothering experiences and there are lots of us who want to use what we know to change how mothers are treated and valued in our society.

One of the amazing things about mothers who write blogs (I have a love/hate relationship with the term “mommyblogger”) is that we’ve managed to bond and create a powerful sisterhood. We’ve given voice to our stories and helped a lot of people realize that motherhood is a powerful and, at times, frustrating experience. It would be amazing if we took all those connections and influence and moved one step further to change how we’re treated by employers and lawmakers, especially now that Oprah is our BFF!

We have the numbers and now we’ve got Oprah’s attention. It’s not like Oprah is afraid to look at some serious issues — there was a time when she did that more often. We’re a whole heck of a lot more than Dooce and you know what? That’s a good thing.

Turns out, it’s been something of a mixed bag, because marketers don’t really know what to do with me. I have many friends who are more traditionally what people think of as mommybloggers — writing more generally about their lives and their parenting experiences than approaching their view of the world through a political lens. And many of them have struck a mother lode, of sorts, in terms of connecting with those marketers and starting to carve out a way to make some money for their family’s bottom line.

When it comes right down to it, business is business and marketers will go where the people are. For better or worse, women online hang out more where the parenting and fashion and products are, rather than in a space where a wonky mom gets all worked up about issues.

So I wondered as I was sitting at the Mom 2.0 conference this past weekend, “How does a political mom blogger use these tools to enhance her ability to get more women interested and involved? How can we use these techniques to get the attention of those we want to influence when it comes to policy?”

I know it’s not because moms aren’t interested. I don’t think I’ve ever met a mom who doesn’t get riled up about something political. But I sense that the outrage gets pushed to the bottom of our to-do lists. I get that — some days I don’t even know where I’m going to carve out the time to write a quick blog post, get to school for pick-up, manage homework and dinner, and pay a few bills, let alone have the energy to focus on the political world.

Things intervene more than we’d like, including the unexpected. For example, someone asked on Twitter last night why I wasn’t tweeting during Obama’s speech. Let’s just say there’s a little something going around PunditGirl’s school that I hope no one else has to endure. That’s just one example of getting sidelined in a way we’d rather not.

But there has to be a way. We’ve built these social communities and marketers are starting to acknowledge the power and influence we have. So how do we take the next step to convince the policy makers and politicos of that, as well?

If anyone has an epiphany, let me know.

So while I have beached myself next to the computer as I process all the calories, here are a few things to think about as we head out of our collective tryptophan stupors!

–Bill Clinton is going to make his donor names available to clear the way for Hillary to become Secretary of State.

–Barack Obama is scheduled to announce some of the heavy-hitters of his new administration tomorrow in his continuing round of president-elect news conferences.

–I’m still trying to understand why women activists online get labeled as “mommybloggers.”

–How much IS my house worth for a week in January?

–How do you feel about Michelle Obama’s self-proclaimed role as “mom in chief.”

Now, back to the turkey leftovers!

I was going to stay away from this one. But there was a last straw that finally broke my back. The ad was the insult. The injury was the continued references to women online writing about and protesting the ad as a group of “mommybloggers.”

Why do I think the term “mommyblogger” is an insult? Well, it depends on the context, but too often the term “mommy,” unless it’s used by one of our children, is meant to be an adjective to diminish the authority of the writer.

When the main stream media talks about “mommybloggers” it’s often meant to refer to a group of stay-at-home mothers who, in their spare time, write about the trials of motherhood. Some of us fit into that category, but there’s a lot of shortsightedness if people think that’s all that “mommybloggers” are.

What if a network reporter had broken this story first, let’s say a woman network reporter who just happens to be a mother? Then, other networks and cable shows pick up on it and, hey, the reporters covering it also happen to be mothers or fathers — would we call them a bunch of “mommy journalists” or “daddy reporters?”

Would a male attorney dare to refer to me in open court as a “mommylawyer” if I decided to get back to practicing law? Would you refer to your internist as a “mommydoctor?” And why not? Because it would be a major insult, suggesting that their profession was somehow less important or that they were somehow less qualified because of their parental status.

Some may be curious about my pique because sometimes being a mom blogger is a brand, one that can be used to one’s benefit. But when others try to flip the title to describe us as writers and, yes, sometimes activists, it ends up as shorthand for someone who is less deserving of respect or influence. It makes our opinions much easier to ignore.

We don’t hear men described in the media in terms of a diminutive phrase about their fatherhood and there’s a reason for that — it would short-change what a man was saying. No one calls Markos Moulitsas a “daddyblogger.”

Motherhood doesn’t make our writing, our activism or our critiques any less worthy of place at the table. As a professional writer, who happens to be a mother, with a lengthy history in broadcast news and law, you can call me a lot of things, but don’t call me a mommyblogger.

‘Nuf said.

Sure, we all know that Dooce is the bee’s knees in the world of mommybloggers when it comes to finding a funny way to look at the world of mothering and I admire her for being able to turn it into a livelihood.

But apparently, when it comes to advertising, those of us who like to write about things in addition to being a mother, like, say, news, politics, world events or any other topic that the MSM considers to be a “non-mom” topic, we’re pretty far down on the list for being prime spots in the world of marketing to women.

In her NY Times article, author Claire Cain Miller writes:

To the disappointment of some women who want sites that focus on serious issues like politics, advertisers are not interested in every kind of content. They gravitate to the tried-and-true topics of women’s magazines: fashion, beauty, celebrities and love life.

It’s a slow progression and I guess there is some truth to it. The turnout for the BlogHer conference sessions on political topics was a bit slim. But I can’t help feeling pigeonholed when I read articles like this. Do advertisers really think they can only reach us by focusing on places where we get shopping tips or can lament our maternal shortcomings?

Now, I’m all about the cute shoes, but I’m also all about how my parents are going to make ends meet in their retirement, how all children can get decent health care, whether the country is going to hell in the proverbial hand-basket and how to keep my retirement savings from disappearing like warm chocolate chip cookies in a classroom full of pre-schoolers.

And I’m not the only one. Miranda at This Time, It’s Personal says:

This is the biggie for me right now. Our health care system is seriously messed up. Millions of children (and adults, of course) do not have health care. Millions more have inadequate health care. Of developed countries, we have the highest per capita cost for health care, but we are not number one. Nope, we rank #37.

I’m going to repeat that: Our health care system ranks #37 in the world. We pay more than many others of the richest countries in the world, but our health care isn’t as good.

I guess the good news is that at least some outlets are becoming more interested in what we have to say on things other than leftovers and potty training. CNN’s iReports had a booth at BlogHer for women to talk about what issues are the most important to them in the upcoming election. Many, including myself, took full advantage of that chance for a little free airtime!

And I guess there is a glimmer of hope in light of NBC’s interest in BlogHer, though it would be great to see an iVillage category for news or politics. As Lisa Witter points out at The Huffington Post, and in her new book The She Spot, in marketing to women it’s crucial to know how to reach them.

Yes, we spend time in the places you’re already spending money. But advertisers, feel free to reach out to us in the other places we frequent. I think it could be well worth your while.

Cross-posted from BlogHer, where PunditMom is a Contributing Editor for Politics & News.

Sure, we all know that Dooce is the bee’s knees in the world of mommybloggers when it comes to finding a funny way to look at the world of mothering and I admire her for being able to turn it into a livelihood.

But apparently, when it comes to advertising, those of us who like to write about things in addition to being a mother, like, say, news, politics, world events or any other topic that the MSM considers to be a “non-mom” topic, we’re pretty far down on the list for being prime spots in the world of marketing to women.

In her NY Times article, author Claire Cain Miller writes:

To the disappointment of some women who want sites that focus on serious issues like politics, advertisers are not interested in every kind of content. They gravitate to the tried-and-true topics of women’s magazines: fashion, beauty, celebrities and love life.

It’s a slow progression and I guess there is some truth to it. The turnout for the BlogHer conference sessions on political topics was a bit slim. But I can’t help feeling pigeonholed when I read articles like this. Do advertisers really think they can only reach us by focusing on places where we get shopping tips or can lament our maternal shortcomings?

Now, I’m all about the cute shoes, but I’m also all about how my parents are going to make ends meet in their retirement, how all children can get decent health care, whether the country is going to hell in the proverbial hand-basket and how to keep my retirement savings from disappearing like warm chocolate chip cookies in a classroom full of pre-schoolers.

And I’m not the only one. Miranda at This Time, It’s Personal says:

This is the biggie for me right now. Our health care system is seriously messed up. Millions of children (and adults, of course) do not have health care. Millions more have inadequate health care. Of developed countries, we have the highest per capita cost for health care, but we are not number one. Nope, we rank #37.

I’m going to repeat that: Our health care system ranks #37 in the world. We pay more than many others of the richest countries in the world, but our health care isn’t as good.

I guess the good news is that at least some outlets are becoming more interested in what we have to say on things other than leftovers and potty training. CNN’s iReports had a booth at BlogHer for women to talk about what issues are the most important to them in the upcoming election. Many, including myself, took full advantage of that chance for a little free airtime!

And I guess there is a glimmer of hope in light of NBC’s interest in BlogHer, though it would be great to see an iVillage category for news or politics. As Lisa Witter points out at The Huffington Post, and in her new book The She Spot, in marketing to women it’s crucial to know how to reach them.

Yes, we spend time in the places you’re already spending money. But advertisers, feel free to reach out to us in the other places we frequent. I think it could be well worth your while.

Yes, as far as the Today Show is concerned we’re a group with quotes. Or air quotes anyway.

We’re inscrutable. We have strange and mysterious ways! We’re a bunch of ka-RAY-zee wimmins doing this new weird thing, all techy and Gen Y-like.

And, after watching the Today Show segment that sprang from what seemed like a thoughtful blogger “round table,” it turns out that, at least in the journalistic words of new Today Show co-host Kathie Lee Gifford, we’re just a bunch of moms who “yap” about diapers and preschools on the web instead of at the playground.

(Pssst. Kathie Lee. Don’t call Arianna Huffington a mommy blogger. I’m pretty sure she can take you out).

So why am I venting about this? I wasn’t involved in the show and no one talked about my record as an alleged duck thief, so why do I care what they said about Kristen and Mir and Jill and Dooce? Obviously, by implication it’s not just about them — it’s about all of us and how, once again, women’s efforts to be a part of the larger societal conversation get marginalized.

More proof that the MSM doesn’t get it. Women who wield blogs and computers!? We’re just SOOooo confusing to them!!!

There’s at least one exception, though.

Former Today Show host and current CBS Evening News anchor Katie Couric, and her producers, get it. And that could be an ingredient that Katie can use to her benefit as more and more people talk about what she’ll be doing for a living in a few months. She’s figured out that there’s something to be gained by trying to engage this new feminist act, rather than judge us by a particular topic we may write about on any given day.

It’s not that hard, really. There are millions of us out here doing what corporate trainers would call networking and relationship building. And we’re a demographic, but we’re a lot more than that.

We’re women who have been denied a voice in the main stream media for generations and we’re finding a way around it. Don’t want us on your op-ed pages? That’s OK — we’ll start our own. And people will find us. And listen to us. Really.

Even though only a handful bloggers who happen to be mothers are making a living at this blogging thing, it will happen for more us soon enough because marketers and advertisers love demographics. If readers are here and not there, it will happen. So, producers at the Today Show, you might want to re-think how you describe us.

We’ve got blogs that are about a lot more than talking about our children, and we’re not afraid to use them.

Plus, there’s that whole world domination thing.