Lace as a Metaphor for Political Change from The Woman Citizen

Not Oprah’s Book Club: Sister Citizen at Feministing

Could Unmarried Women Cost Obama Re-election in 2012? at Huffington Post

Senate blocks money for teachers, firefighters at the Washington Post

W. enters my wife’s school board race at Salon, an astonishing look at how corporate money is impacting even local races

Discuss!

Image via Joanne Bamberger.  All rights reserved.

When the likes of Chris Matthews become equal opportunity insulters when they toss around terms like “Balloon head”  and “makeup salesperson” about as many men as women when they question someone’s gravitas, that’s when I’ll stop saying it’s stealth sexism.

As I have said before, nothing is going to change on Wall Street as long as the lawmakers are beholden to the lobbyists.

And I hope that Oprah uses her long lost sister moment to help others understand the issues that adoptees struggle with.  Whilew we’re doing that, don’t forget to join the army of warrior princesses for breast cancer!

Before I begin, full disclaimer. These are my thoughts, my feelings, my perceptions about gender stereotypes. Your Mileage May Vary.

I’m 46. As your mileage catches up to mine, you may see my point of view Or not.

Of late, the mainstream media has shifted its attention to the mom blogger. Whether it covers the Digital Mom (Today) or the Secret Lives of Moms (Oprah) , it seems to be focusing its “laser” attention on a new stereotype of moms.

A digital mom. Who seems to be in her early thirties, generally white and blond-ish, and blogging about her experiences — good, sometimes bad, and occasionally whiny — as a mom. Played on TV, generally, by Heather Armstrong (Dooce).

Don’t get me wrong. I love being a mom. I waited a long time to become one, and it was never certain that I would. My son is one of the most important things in my life.

But my experience of motherhood as a later in life mom with, at the time Douglas was born, a senior executive job at a technology company is very different than Heather’s. I had to battle different things, including very real sexism on the job. I had to operate in a world where my joy in parenthood had to be tempered, because my male colleagues saw it as a weakness. They would never admit it, but oh my, was it clear. Seen, not heard, baby.

I have tremendous respect for women who, like Dooce, have turned their motherhood into a money stream. God bless you and rock on as you rake it in. Not for me, but it works for you and I have no problem with it.

I’m also NOT proposing that mom bloggers stop sharing their stories in any way they wish on their blogs. Your life, your stories, your words, your right.

BUT….

Have we taken four steps forward and five steps back? Are we still letting mainstream media define us by our motherhood? Sure, it is not June Cleaver anymore; there’s a nod to diversity. A teeny weeny nod.

Nevertheless, the media seems to be re-focusing on women in a very traditional role of mother, tripping lightly over our other achievements.

Have we really come a long way, or are we back near the beginning?

Is this new perception of modern day moms damaging our ability to be perceived as women APART from our roles as mothers? The media seems to be grabbing hold of an image of the digital mom that threatens to overwhelm our individual and collective achievements as professional women. To stuff us back in a gender-defined box.

How else to explain shows like “In the Motherhood” ? Or Oprah’s Secret Lives of Moms, which I did not watch because the show generally irritates me and I didn’t expect the mom episode to be much different. (Read some other moms who weren’t over the moon about Oprah). Or the idea that Oprah’s foray into Twitter (lord help us) has something to do with soccer moms?

Is the digital mom becoming a new stereotype that will be just as damaging as June Cleaver?

I’m worried that the answer is yes.

Now, here’s where I put on my truly radical feminist hat. Be warned, and bear with me, as I am still thinking through this issue. I would love to hear your thoughts, whether you agree with me, think I am full of shit or something in between.

Is the mainstream media stuffing women, in general, back in the mommy box because the US power structure relies on women staying in their traditional gender role? To some degree, I think the answer is yes.

Those in power – mostly men – want to stay in power. Full stop. Individual women are allowed to break out of the mold – if they push push push hard enough, give up everything except their careers etc. They are allowed to be the rare exceptions – the Queen Bees. They are unique.

Society doesn’t acknowledge that women can be just as capable, competitive as male counterparts, and still be nurturers. Moms. The successful woman is special. [Note: Women are also allowed to rise to the top if they embody the stereotype and use it to be successful. Mary Kay, Avon etc.]

The rest of us? At the core, The Powers That Be want – need – us as a gender to stay in the traditional role as much as possible. Our economy is to some degree built on the assumption that we will. We can have jobs, but not the top jobs. Look at the tech industry – even the social media industry. At most conferences, most of the speaking slots are STILL filled by men. A smattering of token women, usually the same ones over and over. Because you know, they are special.

Even Michelle Obama, a very successful attorney in her own right, has been completely redefined as a wife and mother. Don’t even get me started on how the media has f-ed over Hillary Clinton. Would take multiple posts and only my policy wonk friends would stick it out.

The other side of this problem is the Madonna – Whore dichotomy. It often seems, women must be one or the other. Never both. Our society still has tremendous difficulty separating sex from biology. Consider breastfeeding. Biology, people. Mothers make milk and some choose to breastfeed their babies. Others don’t. Has NOTHING to do with sex. No need for blankets. Or embarrassment. For anyone.

Yes, this mom in the media trend makes me very uneasy. Tell me I’m wrong. I want to be wrong. I don’t think I am.

What do you think?

I had no idea this had come out, but a friend pointed me to a Top 50 list — the Top 50 Mommy Blogs. It’s really nice to be included with some of my faves and women who were my inspiration when I started writing PunditMom, like Mom-101, mothergoosemouse, Motherhood Uncensored, Girl’s Gone Child and, of course my fellow MOMocrat, CityMama (MOMocrats got a pretty nice mention on a different list!).

But I’m thinking that if the term “mommy blog” is going to stick, it’s time to redefine it to mean what we want it to. Yes, we write stories about the influences of our motherhood experiences, but if those who like to brand us and pat us on the heads as cute little moms with a funny little hobby, they need to look closer. We’re really writing about a lot more — there’s a plethora of compelling writing on mom blogs that reveals plenty about our lives above and beyond wiping noses and butts.

It’s just easier for some to look at us as two-dimensional, interchangeable and fungible. But I’ve got a little news for them. We’re gaining a lot of ground and when they least expect it, we’ll be the ones setting public policy agendas and lobbying for legislation we believe in.

They won’t see it coming, but that’s OK. We’ll be benevolent dictators!

In case you hadn’t heard, Oprah had a bevy of women bloggers on her show this week, mostly to promote a book and a TV show with the focus being “The Secret Lives of Moms.” A variety of mommybloggers were also guests on the show to talk about their parenting experiences.

Jodi has weighed in at her place about her disappointment in the episode and I have to say, I agree with her take, but I’ll go one step further.

The show was billed as “spilling the beans about motherhood.” I was sad that the show’s focus was diapers, post-partum experiences and lack of sleep. I hate to break it to Oprah, but those beans have been laying all over the kitchen floor for a long time. As I watched, I thought, what if Oprah used her air space to explore a little mommy activism?!

Oprah and the mommybloggers (read: us) can change the world if we use our powers for good. Not that we’re using them for evil, but with well over 30 million of us out here, that’s the critical mass we need to change policies that adversely impact mothers — policies that make it hard on women in the workplace, attitudes that prevent better health insurance and child care options, and employers who are cutting off their respective noses to spite their faces by laying off women who work flex-hours or telecommute, just to name a few.

I get it that Oprah has to promote her brand and talk about things on her show that bring in money for advertisers. But the thing is, there were no real secrets revealed about mothering. We all have those little, embarrassing anecdotes that we share with our friends to remind ourselves that there are no perfect versions of motherhood.

We’re moms and things can be tough and frustrating at home. The real secret is that we’re more than the sum of our mothering experiences and there are lots of us who want to use what we know to change how mothers are treated and valued in our society.

One of the amazing things about mothers who write blogs (I have a love/hate relationship with the term “mommyblogger”) is that we’ve managed to bond and create a powerful sisterhood. We’ve given voice to our stories and helped a lot of people realize that motherhood is a powerful and, at times, frustrating experience. It would be amazing if we took all those connections and influence and moved one step further to change how we’re treated by employers and lawmakers, especially now that Oprah is our BFF!

We have the numbers and now we’ve got Oprah’s attention. It’s not like Oprah is afraid to look at some serious issues — there was a time when she did that more often. We’re a whole heck of a lot more than Dooce and you know what? That’s a good thing.

Needless to say, I wasn’t sure I had made the right decision — a liberal entering the world of extreme conservatism. But I am happy to report, I came out relatively unscathed, with just one little tiny faux pas:

What do you think? Is Oprah turning her back on giving her audience the story of Sarah Palin? Or should she hold off?

I’d write more, but I’m focusing on how I can turn my PTA responsibilities today into a road to being Governor of a state other than Alaska (I like Alaska, I’m just too much of a wimp about winter weather to live that far north!

And by the way, who does Cal Thomas remind you of?

OK, enough alliteration.

But here’s my question. With Oprah’s announcement this week that not only is she officially supporting Barack Obama for the Democratic presidential nomination, but will also campaign for him, where does that leave the other candidates?

Because isn’t a nod from Oprah the uber-endorsement?

The one that lifts otherwise mid-level books into the best-seller category? The one that gets you your own syndicated television deal? So one has to wonder, what can the nod from one of the wealthiest American TV personalities give to a campaign that’s close, but not quite hitting on all cylinders according to the polls?

Or, I suppose another way to look at it is this — how does the Oprah imprimatur impact Hillary, Edwards and all the other Democrats?

While many of us are clearly happy to follow Oprah on her reading recommendations, will her first-ever official foray into the political arena solidify her position as America’s opinion maker or will it make her loving fans rebel?

It’s one thing to take her advice for which book is going to sit on our nightstands or which shows she thinks will hit with American audiences. But I have a feeling politics may be taking Oprah’s fiefdom a bit too far. This one has “backfire” written all over it. To me, it seems like Oprah is trying to take her influence a bit too far.

It’s one thing to have fund-raisers and support a candidate. But for some reason it just doesn’t feel right to have the queen of daytime TV stumping for a candidate and bestowing the official Oprah seal of approval.

She knows the influence she has. And I suppose Oprah must think it’s her right and responsibility to use it for a candidate she really believes in.

But for some reason, I just can’t get over the feeling that her recommendations should stay in the bra and jean intervention categories. Her legions trust her on those things, but maybe she’s over-exercising her Oprah-blessing by designating Obama as her official candidate.

So I ask you — if you read Oprah’s books and put your faith in her advice on fashion, can you make the political leap to go with her political leanings?