Her theory is that there might be a curse associated with the world of mom blogging because there are numerous examples of bad things that have befallen bloggers who also happen to be mothers — accidents, strokes, depression, cancer.  The most recent example of that theory Belkin cites is a blogger who was one of the shooting victims in the Tucson rampage that took the lives of six people and in which Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords was shot.

Belkin’s theory bothers me for this reason — it’s taken so long for many women not only to find their voices, but to have a place to write about them in real and genuine ways, that if we start believing that they have somehow been the victims of cosmic retribution for having the audacity to share their lives online, many will stop.   And others who were just getting ready to take the leap of embracing the world of writing will pull back, keeping their stories to themselves.

That’s a potential loss I never want to see happen.

Finally, women writers have a venue with no barriers to entry and no big red Stop sign at the editorial desk saying  thanks but we don’t need any more of that “chick lit.”  I’d hate to see a jinx theory stand in the way not only of women embracing the power that writing can bring, but also creating new communities that could never have existed without the world of blogs.

The reality is this — bad stuff happens.  All the time.  It’s not a jinx to be out there in the blogosphere writing about life.  Actually, it’s the opposite.  For so many women, myself included, writing online has led to a myriad of connections that are priceless, and they are ones that would not have happened if we’d been published in more traditional outlets.  Those connections and friendships and relationships have sustained and supported many women of the blogosphere.  That’s a blessing, not a jinx.

When the fabulous and much-loved blogger Anissa Mayhew had a stroke, the whole blogging community reached out to help support her family in a variety of ways.  I don’t believe there was some karma on the lookout for Anissa that caused her to have a stroke.  But it’s not a stretch to say that Anissa and her family were supported by many, many more people after her stroke as a direct result of the friends and connections she made through her blog.  And thousands of us follow Susan Niebur, a blogger who is as kind and loving as she is popular, as she has shares her journey as a mom with cancer, allowing those of us who have become her friends as a direct result of the world of blogging, to be there for her and help, even if in small ways.

There are things that happen in all of our lives that we can’t foresee or prevent.  To suggest that a blogging jinx exists that causes tragedy will certainly keep some women out of the writing world and will cause others to hold back, censoring themselves in how they write for fear of inviting the wrath of the blogging gods.  I hope that doesn’t happen, since the world of the blogosphere has led many of those “mom bloggers” to share their expertise on other topics, like science, the environment, politics, education, and a whole lot more, leading those women to view themselves as the authorities they are, staking well-deserved claims in professional and avocational niches.

The idea of a mom blogging jinx makes for amusing cocktail party conversation, but it’s the flip side of the blogging coin that really deserves the attention.  The world of writing online has created a larger and more connected community of women who can support and advance each other in ways as never before.  That’s no jinx — that’s what we’ve been waiting for and we’re not giving it back.

Plus, I know that if Anissa or Susan caught wind of someone saying their writing had jinxed them, they’d kick some serious ass.

Update: As I later read through the comments at Motherlode, Belkin responds to one of the comments by claiming that she didn’t really think bloggers were jinxed, but that she was using it as a device to talk about the bad things that have befallen many bloggers.  That may well be, but as I read the piece again, it didn’t seem as tongue-in-cheek as Belkin says she meant it to be.  I suspect a headline that read “Mom Bloggers Support Each Other” would have had less SEO sex appeal.

There are some fabulous interviews with names I’m sure you know — Liz from Mom-101, Jessica Gottlieb, Barbara Jones of One2One Network, Lisa Stone of BlogHer, plus many others.

I was a pleasure to be asked to participate and talk about the state of the blogosphere for women political bloggers and niche bloggers.

I hope you’ll enjoy my chat with Jill Asher (and my mini-smack-down to Malcolm Gladwell!) while I’m chained to the computer to finish up the edits on Mothers of Intention!

I know I’m not the only one has who said in the last few days, “How could it possibly be 2010 already?”

I was really just getting used to writing 2009 on my checks and am not in the mood to have to create my 2010 “filing” system!   Of course, with the New Year upon us, it’s time for many “best of” lists.  They can be fun when taken with a grain of salt, but there is always the chance of leaving someone out and hurting somebody’s feelings who truly deserve to be mentioned.  I really appreciate Mom-101 including me on what I like to call the I-didn’t-make-the-list list (!), and really, I’m not all that “skeery!”

While I haven’t talked about it here, 2009 was filled with some tense moments for me, especially health-wise.  The good news is that all is well, but I’ve now discovered why it’s important to ask what’s involved with procedures like scans that include contrast and that it really is true that things start changing physically when you hit 50. I’ve also been reminded in some not-so-nice ways, that the social lessons of high school are best remembered even after you hit the big 5-0.  So there has been a lot for me to think about as we head into 2010 (soon to be Year of the Tiger!) and how I want to live this year and where I want to direct my time and energy.  I’ve been helped in thinking about those things by a lot of great people.

So while it’s not really an official 2009 “list,” I want to thank some of the people who have helped me look at things in new and different ways.  I promise to incorporate as much of their encouragement and support into 2010 as possible!

1. Fem 2.0 & Gloria Pan — These women are doing some incredible work surrounding not just feminism, but also how we approach the discussion about our work lives and personal lives, as well as other important issues. They have a lot going on this year and I’m honored they’ve asked me to be a part of it!

2. Cecily Kellogg — Aside from the fact that she rocks the pink hair, Cecily has a heart of gold, a wicked sense of humor, one of the best hugs in the world and is an amazing listener.  While I don’t get to see her often, I know she’ll tell me like it is, even if I’m off base.

3. My fellow MOMocrats & DC Metro Moms — There are so many great women at both of these sites that I can’t list them all without accidentally leaving someone out.  But I’ve truly appreciated the wise words, sense of community and support both personal and professional from these amazing women!

4. Kristen from Mommy Needs a Cocktail & Emily from American Princess — You know how I love politics — progressive politics to be exact — but these are two women who challenge me in a good way to think about issues from the other side of the aisle.  Kristen is not someone who writes about her politics online, but let me tell you — from our e-mail and Twitter DM’s, she’s got some insightful things to say, especially about economics.  As for Emily, we’re a little scared because even though we’re on different sides of the political aisle, we have been finding some interesting common ground.  But the best thing?  I can disagree with both of these women and we still respect each other, enjoy each other’s company and at the end of the day can still have cocktails with each other!  Now if we could convince some of these guys on Capitol Hill that they could do the same thing.

5. Jen Lemen and her inspiration — The only thing I don’t like about Jen is that we live so close and hardly ever get to see each other!  But she has amazing zen and is always willing to share it.  I know she’s all busy flying to Africa and other exotic places, but one of these days, I’ll manage to see her over a cup of coffee!

6. Veronica of Viva la Feminista – Veronica has been an amazing supporter and has helped me find some courage to branch out into some new projects.  I knew we were really friends when she started referring to me as “chica!” I really look forward to some fun collaboration with her this year!

7. The Kirtsy ladies — Thanks so much for your ongoing support, for including me in the fabulous book they created in 2009, which is not only chock full of amazing writers, but is one of the most beautiful books I’ve ever seen, and for asking me to come hang out at Mom 2.0 Summit this year.  Houston in February sounds might good in the D.C. below 20 wind chills!

8. Bright Sky Press and MojoMom– Thanks for having the confidence AND the patience to allow me to work on two incredible book projects this year.

9. The “guys” – Rick Sanchez & Eric Kuhn at CNN and David Wescott from It’s Not a Lecture — These are three men who really “get it” when it comes to the power of women and new media.  I can’t thank them enough for their support, advice and opportunities to use my voice and my blog in ways that get a little more attention for women online, even the “mommybloggers!”

10. Type-A Mom conference and Kelby Carr — To say that Kelby Carr is a force of nature is an understatement.  I thought I had a lot of projects going on, but I’m a slacker compared to Kelby.  She was gracious enough to allow me to be a part of Type-A Mom conference this year, where I met so many great women I hadn’t met before.  Plus, she was right – Asheville rocks!

11. Connie Schultz & Gloria Feldt – These are two gracious, savvy, wise women who have been kind and generous with their time and advice, even when I’m in the middle of an anxiety attack about whether I’ve bitten off more than I can chew on work projects.

12. All the current and future “Mothers of Intention” who have so graciously allowed me to post their political essays here and collect them for the book I’m working on that, should I meet the deadline (!), will be published later this year about the growing power of mothers in the political world.

13. Leslie Sanchez – I’ve never met her IRL, but we have a very nice Twitter relationship!  I was surprised and honored when she mentioned me in her book, You’ve Come a Long Way, Maybe: Sarah, Michelle, Hillary and the Shaping of the New American Woman, which, while a smidge on the conservative side, is an excellent look at how sexism is still at work today when it comes to high profile political women –and, really, all women.

14. All the other people, women especially, who have taken the time to listen and give advice when I needed it, as well as unexpected opportunities. You know who you are and I am not meaning to leave you out of any list or hurt anyone’s feelings.  I can’t thank you enough and look forward to being able to see you all in the new year!  You are all the reason I love to hang out in the blogosphere — you enrich my life, encourage me and make me laugh.  And in these times, those are true gifts!

]]> http://www.punditmom.com/2010/01/the-punditmom-2009-saying-thanks-list/feed 7 http://www.punditmom.com/2009/11/mothers-of-intention-im-just-not-that-into-politics-everything-mom http://www.punditmom.com/2009/11/mothers-of-intention-im-just-not-that-into-politics-everything-mom#comments Mon, 09 Nov 2009 18:53:12 +0000 PunditMom http://www.punditmom.com/?p=3302

I met some fabulous women at the Type-A Mom conference in September.  Some were women I had admired in the blogosphere and met for the first time in real life, and others had blogs I hadn’t yet discovered, but am …

I met some fabulous women at the Type-A Mom conference in September.  Some were women I had admired in the blogosphere and met for the first time in real life, and others had blogs I hadn’t yet discovered, but am glad I did.  One of those great women is Allison from Everything Mom and  No Time for Flash Cards blog.  She was part of the wonderful panel conversation we had about mothers getting more involved in politics.  After the conference, she wrote this post about her own thoughts on what’s held her back and has graciously allowed me to post it here for Mothers of Intention!

“I’m just not that into politics.”

I hear this so often it scares me and I am guilty of this. Let me just get this out in the open first. I am not chastising you, I am chastising myself.

Why are so many of us afraid to be political?  We sure as hell have the motivation to be advocates, we do it every single day. We speak for our children’s needs, whether great or small we take stands daily. There is no question as to the power of a mother when she is fighting for her child, so why don’t we fight equally hard for ourselves? Our community?
Why is it so hard for so many of us to do it outside our homes? Why is it so hard for us to say ” I think this because…” “I believe this because…”

“My voice is strong and heard because…”

Why do I feel so vulnerable taking a stand?

I use the excuse that I am not a US citizen to get my free pass.  I can’t vote so it’s hard for me to get involved since I don’t get a say at the end of the day.

Lame.

I do it all the time. ALL the time.

It’s interesting that I would feel so insecure, since becoming a mom I am considerably more confident, I found my legs and wings the day my son was placed in my arms, so where did my voice go?

I am so envious of the moms I know who are active politically, who are up to date on not just the headlines but the details of  news that isn’t covered on TMZ. There are many of you, and I don’t know how I  got off that track and onto the one that I am on now that gets my news from twitter. “I’m busy” is so pathetic even I don’t use that. If I have time to watch the “New Moon” trailer on YouTube I can read some articles in the Economist and remind my brain what it was like to read something above a grade 5 reading level.

I have been letting these questions sink in for a long time. Disappointment in yourself isn’t easy, and I’m disappointed in myself. I am fearful that in a few years when my son asks me about an issue I will defer to my husband and my changeover from independent minded college educated woman to Stepford wife will be complete.

At first I blamed not wanting to ruffle my friends feathers (online and real life), confrontation has become more and more uncomfortable. Being a stay at home parent is lonely, the friends I do have I want to keep. That, too, is really just an excuse, my good friends, online and off  aren’t going to stop being my friend if I openly share my views, quietly or forcefully.

What it really comes down to and this is an  embarrassing and vulnerable confession.

I feel stupid.

I have gotten lazy and used the excuse that I just needed something brainless to wind down after a long day parenting so much, brainless is all I feel I can handle.

That hurt to type. I am not brainless, but when it’s all you read, when it’s all you watch — what’s that saying about you are what you eat?

I hate asking my husband to explain something to me, not because I can’t get it but like the kid who skipped class I just wasn’t there to find out. I have checked out.

I know I am not the only one.

Starting today I am re-enrolling. I may not be able to vote but I used to know the details I used to know the facts and this delinquency has lasted long enough. I just need to make lunch, do laundry and play Legos first but I promise after that I’ll grab the Economist.

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I’m SOoooo excitied!  This book, Kirtsy Takes a Bow, has been in the works for some time by those fabulous Kirtsy ladies.  I’m honored that they’ve selected some of my work to be included along with so many great women writers.

I hear these are going to make some lovely holiday gifts!

Sue Shellenbarger, who writes about work and family for the WSJ, wrote:

“Mommy blogs in general tend to be everyday diaries of details one might share over coffee — baby’s first step or the perils of finding a preschool. Most are blander than Dooce, less humorous and significantly less profane.”

I really like Shellenbarger’s writing and I think she picks great topics to focus on, but having been newly schooled about the art of contacting journalists and writing letters to the editor, I thought, ‘Hey, I don’t agree with that and I should let her know!’

That’s how I learned the rough lessons of how editing can change the tone and flavor of one’s original intent.

The day the story ran, I sent off the following E-mail:

Dear Ms. Shellenbarger,

I was interested to read your article today entitled “The Blogger Mom, In Your Face.” You wrote:

“Mommy blogs in general tend to be everyday diaries of details one might share over coffee — baby’s first step or the perils of finding a preschool.”

I am afraid I have to disagree with that characterization. I am a mother and a blogger and have been lumped in the category of “mommy bloggers” for some time. But my blog, PunditMom, focuses on political topics. I focus on politics at a variety of other outlets, as well, including MOMocrats, MomsRising and BlogHer. Yesterday, I wrote a post for The Huffington Post entitled Blogging is the New Feminist Act.

My blog is featured as an Alltop poltical blog, as are others including MOMocrats.

To characterize mothers who blog as people who just want to write about baby’s first step or finding a preschool is incorrect. A multitude of women blog about many other things about their lives, their thoughts and their beliefs. A short tour of the blogosphere will produce many examples.

I would love to talk with you about this aspect of mothers and blogging, which has received very little attention in the media, if you are ever writing on this topic in the future.

To my surprise, a few days later, I received a very nice response from Shellenbarger, saying she’d like to submit my letter to her as a possible letter to the editor to run in response to her article! Pay dirt! Of course, my letter wasn’t short enough, so she asked, and I agreed to, have my letter submitted as follows:

Sue Shellenbarger characterized mommy blogs as “everyday diaries of details one might share over coffee — baby’s first step or the perils of finding a preschool.” As a mother and a blogger, I disagree. My blog, PunditMom, focuses on political topics. To characterize mothers who blog as people who just want to write about baby’s first step or finding a preschool is incorrect. A multitude of women blog about many other topics arising from their lives, their thoughts and their beliefs. This aspect of mothers and blogging has received very little attention in the media.

She did tell me it might get cut some more. But I was surprised when I saw it this morning like this:

To characterize mothers who blog as people who just want to write about baby’s first step or finding a preschool is incorrect. A multitude of women blog about many other topics in their lives, including their thoughts and their beliefs. This aspect of mothers and blogging has received very little attention in the media.

Still not bad, but not exactly what I was trying to convey.

So a lesson to all of us — don’t beat around the bush and be more succinct if you want your meaning to come through for others to read!

But, hey, it’s one more step toward “mommy blogger” world domination!

Sure, we all know that Dooce is the bee’s knees in the world of mommybloggers when it comes to finding a funny way to look at the world of mothering and I admire her for being able to turn it into a livelihood.

But apparently, when it comes to advertising, those of us who like to write about things in addition to being a mother, like, say, news, politics, world events or any other topic that the MSM considers to be a “non-mom” topic, we’re pretty far down on the list for being prime spots in the world of marketing to women.

In her NY Times article, author Claire Cain Miller writes:

To the disappointment of some women who want sites that focus on serious issues like politics, advertisers are not interested in every kind of content. They gravitate to the tried-and-true topics of women’s magazines: fashion, beauty, celebrities and love life.

It’s a slow progression and I guess there is some truth to it. The turnout for the BlogHer conference sessions on political topics was a bit slim. But I can’t help feeling pigeonholed when I read articles like this. Do advertisers really think they can only reach us by focusing on places where we get shopping tips or can lament our maternal shortcomings?

Now, I’m all about the cute shoes, but I’m also all about how my parents are going to make ends meet in their retirement, how all children can get decent health care, whether the country is going to hell in the proverbial hand-basket and how to keep my retirement savings from disappearing like warm chocolate chip cookies in a classroom full of pre-schoolers.

And I’m not the only one. Miranda at This Time, It’s Personal says:

This is the biggie for me right now. Our health care system is seriously messed up. Millions of children (and adults, of course) do not have health care. Millions more have inadequate health care. Of developed countries, we have the highest per capita cost for health care, but we are not number one. Nope, we rank #37.

I’m going to repeat that: Our health care system ranks #37 in the world. We pay more than many others of the richest countries in the world, but our health care isn’t as good.

I guess the good news is that at least some outlets are becoming more interested in what we have to say on things other than leftovers and potty training. CNN’s iReports had a booth at BlogHer for women to talk about what issues are the most important to them in the upcoming election. Many, including myself, took full advantage of that chance for a little free airtime!

And I guess there is a glimmer of hope in light of NBC’s interest in BlogHer, though it would be great to see an iVillage category for news or politics. As Lisa Witter points out at The Huffington Post, and in her new book The She Spot, in marketing to women it’s crucial to know how to reach them.

Yes, we spend time in the places you’re already spending money. But advertisers, feel free to reach out to us in the other places we frequent. I think it could be well worth your while.